You show up to a professional engagement, maybe a networking event or drinks with a former colleague. You expect to talk about your career trajectory or the other person's. You're there to build your network, to foster professional relationships outside of your office, maybe even to talk your way into consideration for a job you've been eyeing. But when you sit down, the conversation steers away from your work interests and heads into personal territory.
你出席了一次职业社交活动，也许是一次联谊会，或者跟以前的同事一起去喝了一杯。你希望谈谈自己或别人的事业轨迹，以此建立人际网络，培养办公室之外的职场关系，甚至有可能借此获得一个心仪已久的职位。不过当你坐下来之后，话题就偏离了工作范畴，直奔私人领域。
That's when it hits you: You're not enjoying a networking cocktail. You're on a date.
那时你才意识到，你所参与的不是一次社交酒会，而是一场私人约会。
In a business world where almost 40% of the workforce reports having dated a coworker, the lines between professional socializing and dating are blurry. But while many offices have clear, written policies about this kind of behavior, there are no such rules when it comes to networking. This no-man's-land has turned into a minefield for single women trying to hustle their way up the corporate ladder. The waters are murky for men too, but as Ivan Misner, author of Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think, notes, women encounter these situations "far more than men."
职场中有将近40%的员工承认曾与同事有过约会，职业社交与约会之间的界限已经模糊了。尽管许多公司对这类行为都有明文规定，但打着“人际交往”的旗号就没有这样的约束了。这片真空地带已经成为了单身女性在公司里谋求升职的雷区。对于男性而言，这也是滩浑水。不过，正如《商业社交与性：与你想的不同》（Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think）一书的作者伊凡•米斯纳所言，女性遭遇这类场合的次数“远多于男性”。
If you don't want to find yourself on a date, make sure that that isn't what you're arranging. This begins with the initial invitation. Twanna A. Hines, an educator, writer and commentator who focuses on the relationship between sexuality and culture, advises networkers, "Be clear from the beginning what your intended outcome is for the meeting." The more specific, the better. "So when you're setting it up, express those outcomes."
如果你不想陷入约会，就要避免安排这类活动。从最初的邀请开始就要想好这个问题。专注于研究两性关系和文化的教育家、作家和评论家特宛娜•A•海因斯建议网友：“从开始就要搞清楚，你希望会面达到什么样的效果。”这份清单越详细越好。“然后在安排会面时明确表达这些想法。”
The logistics of the meeting matter too. Dorie Clark, a personal branding expert and author of Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future, advises keeping professional networking to daytime hours, where there's less room for misinterpretation. But, she admits, this isn't always possible. Some people are simply too busy during standard 9-5 hours. In those cases, Clark says to make sure your attire is professional. "Even if you're meeting someone for dinner or drinks, don't dress like you're going out dancing, " she says. And, just to be safe, she advises, "Always have a plan of somewhere that you're planning to go afterwards."
会面的准备也很重要。《重塑自己：定义自我品牌，想象你的未来》（Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future）一书的作者、个人品牌专家多利•克拉克建议在白天进行职业社交，这样误解的空间更少。但她也承认，这种做法并不总是可行。有些人每天朝九晚五，白天工作太忙。克拉克表示，这种情况下要保证自己的着装职业化。她说：“即便你要与人吃晚饭或是喝点什么，也不要穿得像要出去跳舞一样。”为了保证安全，她建议：“一定要计划好正式的会面结束之后去哪里。”
But even the best laid plans sometimes go awry. If, despite your efforts, you find yourself on an accidental date, all is not professionally lost. "Your top goal in this situation is to try to ensure that the conversation doesn't progress to the point of no return, meaning the person making an explicit pass at you, " Clark says. If the conversation seems to be veering in the wrong direction, try to bring it back to professional topics, or casually mention your significant other. (Don't have one? According to Misner's research, it is not uncommon for unmarried women to wear wedding bands to deter men from hitting on them in professional environments.) Clark and Misner both suggest bringing another colleague along to meetings to defuse unwelcome romantic tension.
不过即便是最周详的计划也可能出岔子。假如你已经十分努力，却依然不幸遭遇了约会，也不要忘记自己的职业身份。克拉克说：“在这种情况下，你的首要目标就是保证谈话内容不要发展到无功而返，也就是说，对方已经开始和你调情。”如果谈话似乎要偏离轨道，试着将它带回职业话题，或者随口提起你重要的另一半。（你还没有找到另一半？根据米斯纳的研究，未婚女性佩戴结婚戒指，借此打消男性在职场中的挑逗念头，这种情况并不罕见。）克拉克和米斯纳都建议带上一位同事，以免遭遇令人不快的浪漫情境。
What if you've done everything you can to let the other person know your interests are professional and not romantic, but you still sense the person is looking for more? Can you still accept their help? According to Clark, "This is where your gut instinct comes into play."
假如你已经尽力让对方知道你的兴趣全部在于职场，而不是浪漫的约会，但却仍然感到对方想要更进一步怎么办？你还能接受对方的帮助吗？按照克拉克的说法：“这时就该让直觉发挥作用了。”
If the person is a lost cause, walk away. But, "As long as you think that the person has good intentions rather than malicious ones, " Clark says, "I don't see a problem with trying to do your best with integrity, to receive their professional help and to give your professional help to that person.
如果对方是个心怀鬼胎的人，直接转身离开。不过“如果你觉得对方有着良好的初衷，而不是肮脏的企图，那么我认为试着诚恳接纳对方在工作上的帮助，同时给予对方帮助，不是什么坏事。”
Hines offers similar advice, "If someone offers to help you and their motivation for doing so is that they were hoping to sleep with you, that doesn't in any way obligate you to sleep with them or feel guilty if you don't."
海因斯也给出了类似的建议：“如果有人帮你只是为了和你上床，那么无论如何，你都没有这个义务，拒绝他们也完全用不着愧疚。”
Misner recommends exercising caution in such scenarios. Be sure you are not flirting with the person or using your sexuality to interact. "It's not very authentic," he says. "And if you really want to build business relationships with people, you need to be authentic."
米斯纳建议在这种情况下提高警惕。确定你没有在和对方调情，也没有利用性别特征展开交流。他说：“这么干并不真诚。但如果你真的希望与人建立业务关系，你需要做到真诚。”
He also offers advice to the person on the other end of the conversation. After all, sometimes a romantic advance will be welcome; the key is identifying the difference. To do that, you need to build a relationship. "Men have a tendency to cold call," often forgetting to lay the groundwork, Misner says.
他也对会面的另一方提出了建议。毕竟有时候如果有浪漫的进展也是件好事，关键在于区分这其中的差别。要做到这点，需要首先建立良好的互动关系。米斯纳称：“男性都倾向于突然袭击”，常常忘记了要先打好基础。
Instead of hitting on a colleague right off the bat, get to know the person. "When you've established a relationship, then taking it to the next step may be more obvious for you," he says. He would know -- he met his wife at a Leadership Training held by his networking organization, BNI.
不要一来就勾搭同事，先试着了解对方。他说：“关系确立之后，接下来的步骤自然就水到渠成。”他当然知道这点，因为他自己就是在自己的网络公司BNI举办的领导力培训中遇到了后来的妻子。
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