Communication is one of the most important skills we can ever learn. It leads everything that we do—whether we’re communicating at work to meet deadlines and achieve results, or communicating with friends, family and partners to build strong relationships. So many problems stem from poor communication and there’s no wonder why, really. We are not taught how to communicate properly at school; it’s something we have to ‘pick up’ from the people around us. Unfortunately, unless we are lucky enough to have stellar communicators in our close circle, we can often pick up bad habits. I’ve made it my business to learn a thing or two about communication, and I’ll share a few key things with you today. One of the most important, yet overlooked skills of communicating is this:
交流是我们能够学习的最重要的技能之一。它引导着我们所做的一切事情——无论是在工作中交流以按时完成任务，还是达到某个目标，亦或是通过与朋友、家人、伙伴的交流来建立亲密的关系。很多问题来源于交流匮乏，说真的，这是必然的现象。在学校的时候并没有人教我们如何恰当的交流，我们必须从周围人中“挑选”一些人出来。遗憾的是，我们经常挑出坏习惯，除非有人够幸运，在自己的小圈子中有着优秀的交流对象。为此我去学习了一两件交流方面的技巧，在这里分享一些关键的要点、最重要并且容易忽视的交流技巧有以下几点：
Be a Good Listener
当一位好的听众
That’s right—most people have no idea that listening is a necessary part of the communication process, but the reality is that listening is an essential part of communication: not only does it help you to build rapport with other people, it ‘s also a way of demonstrating respect for others. When people feel respected, it’s very easy to build long, happy relationships. Think about how great it feels when someone is intently listening to you, and those times when they are completely enthralled with what you are saying. This makes you feel valued and does wonders to aid communication. People just want to be heard, so by listening intently you can build trust at the subconscious level. Look at it the other way around: we all know people who are really bad listeners. They love the sound of their own voices so much that you can’t get a word in edgewise, and when it’s finally your turn to talk, they aren’t really listening. In contrast, how does this make you feel? Frustrated, and of low value. By not listening to you, the other person is essentially telling you that you don’t have anything worth saying. One thing I do want to get straight here is that listening and shyness are not the same things. People often get good listening confused with shyness, as someone who listens more than they speak might be assumed to be shy or hesitant. What’s important is active listening: paying attention, and then demonstrating your understanding of a conversation by repeating key points in your responses. At the end of the day, people just want to feel like they are understood.
没错——大多数人不知道聆听是交流过程中的必要部分，实际上，聆听是交流中的基本环节：它不仅帮助你建立与他人的默契，而且是尊重对方的表现。当人们感觉被尊重的时候，很容易与其建立起长远、和谐的关系。想想有人专心听你讲话，被你所说的事情完全迷住的时候，那感觉有多棒。你会感觉到尊重，并期望着更深入的谈话。人们只是想要被聆听，所以，专心的倾听可在潜意识层次中建立信任。从另一个角度来说：我们都知道那些急于自己说话而不留心听别人说话的差劲听众，他们太爱自己的声音以至于你连一个字都插不上边，最后终于轮到你说话的时候，他们却并没有真正在听。相比之下，你又会有什么样的感觉？挫败感、被轻视。无视你的说话，其实是在告诉你，你说不出什么有用的事情。有一点我要在这里指出的是：倾听和害羞并不相同。人们通常因为害羞影响到认真的听讲，听得多说的少的人可能被认作害羞或者迟疑。关键在于积极倾听：集中注意力，然后通过在回复中重复关键点来表现出你对此对话的领会。在此之后，人们便会觉得被理解了。
So why are people such bad listeners?
为何人们如此不善倾听？
One reason is that we think at a speed that’s much faster than we speak. Research has shown that we talk at between 120 and 150 words per minute, yet we think at the rate of 600 – 800 words per minute! What this means is that it’s easy to get distracted by our inner thoughts when people speak to us, because our minds work so much faster than our mouths! This does mean that instead of listening, we might be pondering other things like what to have for dinner that night or which route to take home. We need to be aware of when this is happening so we can re-focus on the present conversation—there’s nothing worse than noticing that someone is lost in their own thoughts when they should be listening to you. In case you were wondering, listening (unlike talking) is a skill that you can’t over-use. Imagine an example like this: “I have had it up to here with Bob! All he does is listen and listen and listen! He just never stops listening! I can’t take anymore of his listening, it’s driving me crazy!” Or perhaps this is the more likely scenario: “Bill never listens! He just loves the sound of his own voice. All he does is talk at me over and over again! I feel like he never listens to anything I say!” If you look at the super achievers of this world they are all composed listeners. You don’t see them talking over others or drifting off mid-conversation. This is because they understand the power of listening.
原因之一：我们的思考速度大于说话的速度。研究表明，说话速度为120~150字/分，而思考速度达到了600-800/分！这就是说，当有人跟我们说话时，我们很容易分心，因为思想运转的比嘴巴快多了！取聆听而代之，人们可能正在暗想其他的事情，诸如今天晚上吃什么，或者走哪条路回家。当这样的事情发生的时候，我们需要意识到问题，如此才能重新集中于当前的谈话——发现对方本应听你说话的时候却走神在想他自己的事情，是最糟糕不过的了。以免你误会倾听（不像说话）是一个不能过度使用的技能，想象这样一个场景：”我受够了鲍勃！他就一直听啊听啊听啊！打算永远这么听下去！再也受不了他的倾听了，简直把我逼疯了！“或许更可能是这样一个场景：”比尔从来不听别人说话！他只喜欢自己的声音。他所做的就是不停的对我说这说那！感觉他从来都不听我说了什么！“ 纵观这世上的超级成功人士，他们都是沉着的聆听者。你不会看到他们谈论其他的人或者在谈话中离去，因为他们知道倾听的力量。
5 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
5招提升交流技巧
1. Never talk over people.
1、不要打断别人
This demonstrates a real lack of respect. By talking over someone what you’re basically saying is “I don’t care what you’re saying—what I have to say is more important”.
这样会显得极不尊重。打断别人就好像在说”我不关心你所说的——我要说的才更重要“。
2. Don’t finish other people’s sentences.
2、不要替别人完成他的话
I used to do this a lot thinking I was helpfully finishing people’s sentences for them. Wrong. Research has shown by doing this you are dis-empowering the other person because you are taking control of the conversation, so bite your tongue!
我过去常常这样做，以为帮助别人说完他的话是很有帮助的。错。研究表明这样做是在抢夺对方说话的权利，因为你在掌控整个谈话。所以，管好你的嘴巴!
3. Paraphrase.
3、复述
If you want to show that you have really understood someone, then paraphrasing a great tool. All you do is repeat back to someone what they have just said, before you comment yourself. Here’s an example: “So Barney, what I’m hearing is that results are the number one objective for you right now and we need to find some fast solutions for you?”
如果你想表达对对方的理解，复述便是很好的方式。你所要做的就是在自己的陈述之前，重复对方刚说的话。举个例子：”巴尼，你是说成绩是你现在的首要目标，我们需要为你找一些快速的解决之道？“
4. Listen actively.
4、积极倾听
Focus on active listening instead of passive listening. The difference is that active listening means you engage and respond to the other person based on what they have said, passive listening is simply the act of listening with no response.
集中于积极倾听，而不是消极倾呼。它们的不同之处在于积极倾听需要基于对方所说内容的反应及回复，而消极倾呼只是单纯的听而不做任何回应。
5. Maintain eye contact.
5、保持眼神交流
By looking the other person in the eye, you are proving that you’re interested in what they’re saying. This also keeps you focused and less distracted.
看着对方的眼睛，证明你对对方所说的事情很感兴趣。这样做也会让你集中于谈话，少分心。
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