From social networks to the websites of venerable High Street stalwarts, over-familiarity has spread like the plague across the internet, says Colm O'Regan.
Com O'Regan说道,从社交网络到可敬的街头中坚分子网站,"装熟"已经像瘟疫一般在互联网上传播开来.
Sometimes it's the jaunty "What's going on, Colm?" On other occasions the question is "How are you doing, Colm?"
有时候它会活泼地问:"最近干嘛呢Colm?"偶尔也会说:"最近咋样啊Colm?"
As of yet I haven't been asked "How are you feeling, Colm?", though I know it has asked this of other people. "It" in this case is Facebook. The company is trialling different ways of encouraging people to write, share, fume, blub and splutter their thoughts onto their Facebook page. To this end, a personalised prompt appears at the top of every user's timeline.
虽然到目前我还没被问过"感觉如何, Colm?",但我知道它肯定这样问过其他人.在这儿,"它"是指Facebook.这家公司正在用尽各种方法鼓励用户不再潜水,在它的网站上书写分享他们的想法.为了达到这个目的,一个个性化的通知窗口会被推送在每个用户的时间轴上.
It seems friendly enough. "What's going on, Colm?" is my favourite. It sounds like I've met a friend by arrangement and we've got plans for the day - plans that are not dissimilar to the adventures you see groups of friends having in an advert for an Apple product or a bottled beer.
这些通知似乎很友好.其中我的最爱是:"最近干嘛呢Colm?"听起来就像我刚和一个约好的朋友碰面,我们还计划好了那天要干嘛--而这些计划和苹果或是某些啤酒的广告中一群朋友的冒险可不一样.
And asking after my welfare is not a dramatic departure for the company. It used to ask "What's on your mind?"
询问我的社会福利情况对Facebook来说也不算唐突,他过去还问我"你脑子里在想什么?"呢!
The difference is the use of my name. I also have a problem with people excessively using my name. I feel it gives them some power over me and overuse implies disingenuousness. Like when you ring a call centre where they seem obsessed with saying your name. "Now Mr O'Regan, just to let you know that for training purposes I will be repeating your name throughout this phone call, in case you forget who you are."
区别在于对我名字的使用.滥用我的名字也是一个问题,因为这似乎给了他们某种权力,而且过度使用意味着虚伪.就像你打电话给某个客服中心,客服很谄媚地叫着你的名字:"好的O'Regan先生,为了便于对这次电话服务进行更好的评估,我会不停重复您的名字,不然你要忘了你的名字怎么办对吧."
Facebook is not the only one getting chummy. All over the internet, websites seem to want be your friend. Once you tell them the slightest bit of information, they seize on it like a chugger and use it to reinforce their "relationship" with you.
Facebook不是唯一跟你装熟的网站.互联网上所有的网站都想成为你的朋友.一旦你透露了一丁点儿个人信息,它们就会紧抓不放,想就此来维护你们的"关系".
There's also an informality that I find irrationally grating. It's the same feeling I get when someone in a trendy coffee shop calls me "man", even though I have no recollection of giving permission for such impertinence.
还有一种不拘礼节的举动也无理得让我恼火.那种感觉就像去某家咖啡厅喝咖啡时服务员叫你"哥们儿",而我根本想不起来我给过他们这种权利对我这么无理.
One of the more informal is my mailing-list provider. I have a modest-sized mailing list - not enough to say that I have a cult following but certainly enough to form a cult.
更加无理的是我所使用的邮件服务商.我的粉丝数(原文是"邮件联系人")不多不少 - 没有大到可以说我有一些邪教信徒,但也足够建立一个邪教了.
When someone unsubscribes from the mailing list, I get a message saying: "Nuts, a few people jumped ship. Ah, who needs them anyway?" I feel like reprimanding it for not taking the loss of customers seriously.
一旦有人果断取消对我的关注,我会收到一条系统通知:"有些混蛋不和你玩儿了.谁稀罕啊!"对这种用户流失的不负责行为我认为应该进行强烈批评.
This is not the only example. Companies seem to be programming forced familiarity into their interactions with us.
这并不是唯一的例子.网络公司们似乎正从编码开始强制跟用户装熟.
When I register on some websites and then log in again, I'll see a message saying "Howdy Colm, welcome back!"
当我注册了某个网站并再度登陆时,网站会对我说:"你好啊Colm,欢迎回来!"
Don't "howdy" me. You're just a piece of aluminium coated in some sort of magnetic substance in a server farm located in a country where the climate makes it economically viable to keep the machines at constant temperature. You are not my friend. I bet you say that to everyone.
"你好"个头啊!你只是一块包着铝皮,被安置在一个满是处理器的旮旯里需要保持常温来持续运行带磁性的铁块.你不是我的朋友,我猜你对所有人都这么说.
Other applications want to convince us they experience emotion. When something goes wrong on Firefox, it displays a message saying "Well, this is embarrassing". Really, is it? I don't think so. Until the Firefox Internet Browser drops a pint in the pub in front of a group of its friends, it will never know embarrassing.
其他的应用程序试图说服我们他们是有情感的.比如火狐出错时,它会显示一条讯息:"哎呀,真是太尴尬了."是吗?我不这么认为.除非火狐能在夜店和朋友混时连杯酒都拿不稳掉地上,那它才会觉得尴尬.
Facebook and Twitter both say "Oops!" when the unexpected happens as if they are an adorable sparrow-like old aunt who has forgotten you don't take sugar.
Facebook 和 Twitter在犯错时都会说:"哎呀!"搞得跟忘记你不吃糖还给你塞糖叽叽喳喳说个不停的阿姨似的.
This almost makes me nostalgic for a time when computers didn't give a hoot whether their errors had discommoded you and made no apology whatsoever.
这些都让我怀念那个计算机不会对他所犯的错误道歉或娇嗔的时代.
There was no "Oops" from the 24 Commodore 64s in secondary school on which, as a class we struggled manfully for an hour to create a glowing green rectangle on the black screen, put it on a floppy disk the size of a frisbee and then watch the whole thing fail for no reason.
在那个时代,在我还上初中时,学校的24台Commodore 64s计算机可不会对我们说:"哎呀",就算我们一个班的人花了一个小时费尽心思想在黑白屏幕上弄个发光的绿色矩形出来,再把它放在一个飞盘大的磁盘里,却莫名其妙出错让一切付诸流水.
There was no "Well, this is embarrassing" as the box hilariously called the disk drive made angle-grinder noises and the teacher tried for half an hour to turn it on again before blaming the students and cancelling computer class for a month.
在计算机让磁盘驱动器发出好笑的磨牙似的声音时,老师要用半个小时让它重新启动.当然我们会受到指责,作为惩罚,计算机课也会被停掉一个月.即使这样,它们也不会说:"呃,这真是太尴尬了."
Computers were like bouncers. You were the three-sheets-to-the-wind punter swaying glassy-eyed in front of them pleading to continue. They remained impassive saying, "I don't have to give you a reason. You're not going into that file and that's that."
那时的计算机像巨人.而你,像一个醉醺醺的目光呆滞的摆渡者祈求他的放行.但是他们冷酷无情不为所动,说道:"我不会放行让你接近那些文件.我也不需要给你理由."
You know where you stood with computers in that sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn't.
你知道你的立场,在那个计算机时而工作时而瘫痪的时代.
I say I am nostalgic for those days but only up to a point. Just now one of my Facebook friends, no doubt prompted by the question "What's going on, [insert_name]?" has put up a video of a dog playing with an otter.
在Facebook上,我有一位好友,在被系统问道:"干嘛呢,[此处插入用户名]?"时上传了一段一只小狗在逗水獭的视频.
Now that's an unlikely friendship.
我想我和他的友谊结束了.
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