最近不知什么原因, 总是感到精神有点萎靡. 是工作太忙碌了, 还是心中的隐忧越来越多了? 连我自己也搞不清楚. 有时我真的想好好地睡一大觉, 睡得天昏地暗, 一直睡到自己完全自然清醒为止. 最近虽然并不是夜不能寐, 但是却时常做一些很奇怪的梦, 醒来后要么心悸不止, 要么就精神不振, 总之整个人觉得头重脚轻的, 像感冒了一般.
咨询一个做心理医生的网友, 他告诉我说我可能得了轻度的抑郁症. 我听了吓了一跳. 我从来不觉得我是一个悲天悯人的人. 相反, 我觉得我是一个很积极乐观的人, 不管发生什么事情, 我都可以安然地面对, 尤其是学习和工作上的困难. 我时常觉得, 我的脆弱已经在十年前随着我久治不愈的眼疾的痊愈而成为了过去. 那几年恶梦般的几乎天天以泪洗脸的日子, 让我想起来依然心有余悸. 当时我已经记不清我去了多少家医院, 看了多少个医生, 滴了多少瓶眼药水了. 我只知道, 别人的花季雨季, 对我而言, 只是寒冬冷风. 甚至当时,在无比绝望的时刻, 我做好了最坏的打算:成为一名瞎子. 我也不知道我是如何在那种非人的痛苦中继续我的学业的, 我只知道, 那种无助的苦苦挣扎成了我头二十几年人生中挥之不去的梦魇, 同时也成了我生命的财富, 因为如果没有那几年的苦难, 我想, 我现在不会走到今天这个样子.
有时独处时, 我会禁不住思考过去的往事. 我深深地懂得了, 过去的那些血和泪, 都不会是白流的. 我时常在内心叩问上苍: “您要将我引向何方?”一个人最辛苦的, 莫过于找不到自己前进的方向. 我还记得去年刚回国参加校园招聘时那种四处碰壁的情景. 虽然我从来没有觉得作为一名留学生会有多大的优越性, 但是我也没有想到自己当时的下场会那么惨. 当时投的简历基本都石沉大海, 或者有通知笔试却没有面试机会的, 或者是面试了也没有后文的.如果说求职不顺是令人心情不快的话, 那么,对自己发展方向的茫然则是令人惶恐的. 当时的我还真的不知道该往哪条道路发展, 所投的简历都是海投的, 没有明确的目的性. 当时我很羡慕那些投了几份简历就被录用的同学, 还有那些家里有关系找到单位的同学, 因为他们不用再天天网申和听招聘会了. 但是现在想来, 我总是禁不住摇摇头, 哑然失笑, 因为这些弯路现在在我的看来, 是一笔不可多得的财富. 正是因为屡屡被拒, 所以才会看清楚自己的不足, 才会明白未来的路会有多远多漫长.
前几天在>上看到白岩松写的一篇文章, 感触颇深. 他说: “每个人都想赢，而你想过，你是真的不怕输么？不怕输才是真正的关键。最逗的是，只有你不怕输的时候，你才能赢。每个运动员都想赢，但做到不怕输，太难了。想到最坏的结果，并且去做，往往事就成了。” 读到这段话时, 我不禁联想到我现在的雅思学生们, 发现真的只有不怕考试失败的人最后才可以获得成功. 那些在考试前过分忧虑或者总是试图一锤定音的学生, 最后出来的结果往往不尽如人意. 我感觉, 在这个时候看到白岩松先生的这句话, 似乎是上天对我的暗示和鼓励. 这个世界上做什么事是没有风险的呢? 几乎没有. 连你喝水也可能有风险,因为一不小心, 你可能就会被噎死了, 尽管概率非常小.
每一笔苦难, 只有当你走过时, 蓦然回首,你才会发现那是一笔财富. 可能在苦难降临时, 我们会苦恼不已甚至痛不欲生. 但是过后你会发现, 所谓的苦难, 只是对你精神和意志的磨炼. 我曾经在小学时为考不到好成绩而伤心流泪, 如今回头一看, 禁不住嘲笑自己当初的幼稚: 不就是一次考试罢了, 有什么值得哭的? 如果现在当我们遇到不顺时, 学习也罢, 工作也罢, 如果也可以以一种前瞻的目光来看待这些困难, 勇敢地对自己说一句: “不就是XX罢了, 有什么值得伤心的?” 那么, 我想, 我们会活得更加自在和精彩!
写完这篇文章, 我感觉, 我的抑郁症好像消失了.
学生作业:
Last night my superior gave birth to a baby daughter. After hearing this news, my colleagues and I went to see her after work today.
When we arrived at the hospital and came into the ward where my superior was staying, I saw her sleeping in the bed weakly and her little baby sleeping in the baby bed quietly. It was my first time to see such a little baby and it was also the first time I came so close to a new life, so I felt so excited that I couldn’t help saying gently “what an amazing new life” and “what a lovely angel baby” as well as “how great a mother is”. All my colleagues laughed quietly after hearing what I said, but they had the same feeling with me.
Later, my superior opened her eyes when she heard the sound of ours. She felt happy when she saw us, and she asked us to sit down and told us how she felt after giving birth to a new baby. Besides feeling happy for having a new lovely baby, she also feels worried. Because this baby is her second daughter, and her family and she want a son. All the people in her family, include her husband has a traditional concept that they can’t accept there is not son in the family and they insist on having a son. That means she needs to continue to give birth to a child in the future. However, she felt very tough when giving birth to the second child, so she doesn’t dare to give birth to a new baby any more. What’s more, she can’t imagine what she can do if the third child is also a daughter. But she doesn’t want to disappoint her family, so she would do as per what they hope.
After hearing what she said, we felt down and felt sorry for her, we don’t know how to comfort her but ask her not to worry too much and just to take everything as it comes. Everything would be better and better.
Though I said so, I have no idea whether everything would be better for a family who insist on having a son. What I could do is to give my best wishes and blessing.
Though feminism is widely accepted by people in our country nowadays, there are still some people who can’t accept that when facing the fact of giving birth to a child. In their inner side, they still prefer to have a son than a daughter, what’s worse, they insist on having a son no matter how much it costs. As matter of fact, having a new baby is a happy and wonderful thing, but this feeling would be destroyed by a deeply rooted traditional concept that “boys are better than girls”. I feel sad about it, but I can do nothing to change it, that makes me feel sadder. |
