Maybe you catch him standing at the other end of the bar, slyly checking you out. Maybe you met him before and flirted with him, but he never asked for your phone number. Or, maybe you’ve already hung out with him a few times, but a casual arm flung over your shoulders is about the extent of the physical contact he’s made so far.
也许你发现他正站在酒吧柜台的另一头，悄悄地上下打量你。也许你已经跟他见过面了，还跟他相互调过情，但他却从没询问过你的电话号码。或者，也许你已经和他出去过几次，但至今为止他主动采取的最大程度的身体接触也不过就是：随意地把手搭在你肩膀上。
So, you saunter over to him and say hi.
因此，你踱过去跟他打招呼。
Or, the next time you see him, you say, “So, are you ever going to ask for my phone number?”
或者，再见到他的时候，你会说：“嘿，你到底有没有打算找我要电话呢？”
Or, as you’re sitting on the couch next to him, streaming yet another movie on Netflix, you turn to look him in the eyes, and you decide to just go for it and kiss him.
或者，当你们又一起坐在沙发上看网飞(Netflix)上的电影时，你转过身去看着他的眼睛，决定放手一搏，主动给他一个吻。
Like that daydreaming moron you’re stuck behind at the busy intersection, these are the guys who make you throw your arms up in the air and yell, “You’ve got the green light! Just go already!”
这就好像在车来车往的繁忙路口，却偏偏遇到一个神游天外、把你的车堵在后面的白痴一样，这男人让你忍不住高举双手大喊：“都给你绿灯了，赶快前进吧！”
Yes, there are a lot of timid guys out there.
是的，你会遇到很多胆小的男人。
But now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Timid guys aren’t as numerous as you may think. In fact, that cute guy who flirts with you and acts interested, but never actually does anything about it, can turn out to be a totally different breed of guy. He’s not timid, or awkward, or nervous. He’s manipulating you.
不过现在，让我告诉你一个小秘密：胆小的男人其实并没有你想象的那么多。事实上，那些挑逗你，表现得对你有兴趣，却从没主动更进一步的帅哥们，也有可能是出于完全不同的原因。他既不胆怯，也不笨拙，更不是紧张。这种消极行为只是他控制两人关系的手段。
This is the guy who’s not looking for anything serious (or, more specifically, not looking for anything seriouswith you), but wouldn’t be opposed to a casual fling. This may also be the guy who prides himself on being a “good guy.” And true to his self-professed nature, he doesn’t want to play you. That’s why he never comes right out and makes any overt moves on you.
这样的男人多半并不想认真地谈恋爱（或者，说得更具体点，并不想认真地和你谈恋爱），但如果是一夜情，何乐而不为？另外，这样的男人也可能比较清高，喜欢标榜自己是“好男人”，而为了让自己的“品质”一尘不染，他不想先对你动手动脚，因此才隐忍不发，不主动踏出第一步。
On the other hand, if you initiate all the moves, he’s certainly not going to stop you. And whether consciously or subconsciously, that’s the trap he has set for you.
但是，如果你主动出击，他当然不会阻止你。不管是有意或者无意，这正是他给你设下的陷阱。
How do I know so much about this guy, you ask? Because I used to be him.
你问我为什么对这种男人了解得这么清楚？因为我自己从前就是这种人。
You see, if I let the girl make the first move, then I don’t have to be the douchebag who acts interested, gets the girl into bed, then dumps her immediately after.
你瞧，如果能让女孩子主动出击，那么我就摆脱了主动搭讪，哄人上床，然后又立马把人家甩掉的烂人恶名。
If she makes the first move, then I’m the one being chased. And if I’m the one being chased, then I’m the one who was never sure about hooking up. And if I’m the one who was never sure about hooking up, then I have a perfectly valid reason to pull back at any time.
如果由她来主动出击，那我就成了被追求的被动方。如果我是被动方，那就表示我对两人的关系不那么确定。如果我对两人的关系不那么确定，那我在任何时候都可以理直气壮地和对方脱离关系。
Let me repeat that last part: at any time.
让我强调一下最重要的部分：任何时候。
Yes, some guys are douchebags to the core. They sleep on king-sized douchebag beds lined with satin douchebag sheets lathered with the essence of douchebag body spray. They’ll say whatever it takes to get you into bed, and they’ll feel no shame pulling the fade-out after they get what they want.
是的，有的男人从头到脚都是烂人。他们洒着烂人精华香水，睡在铺着烂人牌缎面床单的加大号烂人床上。为了骗你上床，他什么都说得出来，而一旦完事，更可以毫无愧疚地提起裤子走人。
But, most guys aren’t assholes of such cartoonish proportions. I think most guys actually try to do “the right thing.” And on a conscious level, they know it’s not cool to feign interest in a girl just to get her naked, especially if it seems like she wants more than just a fling.
但是，大多数男人并没有烂到这么夸张的地步。我认为大多数男人事实上是想努力做“正确的事”。摸着良心说，他们知道不应该只是为了跟女孩上床而假装喜欢她，特别是当女孩子想要的显然不止是一夜情的时候。
And that’s when the subconscious rationalizing begins:
这时候，男人潜意识里就开始一种能将一切“合理化”的思维过程了。
“Well, I’d sleep with her. And I’m pretty sure she’s interested. But, I’d never want to date her….”
“唔，我想跟她上床。我很确定她也想。但是，我并不想和她开始一段约会关系......”
“Alright, be cool then. Just talk to her and be friendly….”
"好了，那就淡定些。就只跟她说说话，友好相处......"
“Oh, look at that. She just kissed me. Hmm….”
“哦，看那！她刚刚亲了我。唔......”
“Alright, Conscience. Look, dude, she freaking just kissed me! You can’t possibly expect me to turn her away, right? As long as she kisses me first, then I can totally hook up with her, and you won’t lay all that guilt on me afterwards, right? Right?”
“好吧，良心，你自己瞧瞧，伙计，刚才是她自己亲了我一下！你总不能指望我把她踹开吧，是不是？只要是她先亲我的，我就完全可以跟她干柴烈火了，完事之后你也不能把罪过全算在我身上吧，是不是？是不是？”
“You won’t? Game on!”
“良心，你说你不会责怪我？那就开工啦！”
And once that rationalization train gets going, the excuses just keep on chugging along:
而一旦这种“合理化”思维开始发动，借口就会接二连三地轻松出口了。
“I had fun with you, but I just don’t want anything serious right now.”
“我和你在一起过得很开心，只是我现在还不想要认真的感情关系。”
“I’m sorry, I should’ve been more clear what I was looking for before we hooked up.”
“对不起，我本应在我们上床之前，把我的意思说得更清楚的。”
“I’m just not ready to commit to anyone at this point in my life.”
“我现阶段的人生还没准备好要和别人确定感情关系。”
Any of these lines can be spoken by the guiltless douchebag as he’s in the process of dumping you. And you’ll hate him.
所有的这些台词都可能从那个毫无负罪感地和你分手的烂人嘴里说出来。然后你就会恨死他。
But, if you’re the one who made all the moves, if you’re the one who pursued him, do you see how the self-professed good guy can say these same exact lines and still come across as the innocent victim while he’s dumping you
但是，如果是由你来踏出第一步，第二步，甚至第三步，如果是你在对他主动而不是反过来，你就会发现所有这些自我标榜为好人的男人，还是可以在分手时一边对你说出同样的话，一边表现得像个无辜的受害者一般。
In his arsenal, the self-professed good guy even has lines the supersized douchebag could never use. Like this one:
在他的军火库里，这些自我标榜的好男人甚至还有连超级大烂人都说不出口的台词。
“I’m actually kind of old-fashioned and like to take things slow. Don’t get me wrong—last night was amazing. But, I was caught up in the moment, and I think we definitely moved too fast.”
“我实际上是个很保守的男人，希望感情能一步一步慢慢来。请别误会——昨晚真的很棒。可是当时的我只是一时意乱情迷，忘乎所以了，而实际情况是：我觉得我们发展得有点太快了。”
See? It’s your fault you jumped into bed too soon, because you put the moves on him. And now, he gets to walk away with nary a scratch on his shiny armor.
瞧见了吗？倒变成是你的错了，是你太快送上门来，是你先对他投怀送抱。现在，他大可以大摇大摆地转身走开，而他闪闪发光的良心上连一个印子都不会留下。
I admit, I did all this subconscious rationalizing for years before I realized what I was actually doing. Once my conscience made that shady back room deal with my lust, my hypocrisy became all too easy to ignore.
我承认，在我意识到自己实际上在做什么之前，我也进行过好几年这样潜意识的“合理化”思维。而当我的良心和我的欲望暗地达成了协议之后，这种虚伪的脑筋也就不攻自破了。
Yup, all my life, I prided myself on being a decent guy. But, it turns out I was a douchebag all along. And unfortunately, I think every guy has some amount of douchiness in him (if, by “douchiness, ” we mean the desire for easy sex).
是的，我的一生中，都以自己是个正直的男人而自豪。但是，实际上我一直都是个烂人。而更不幸的是，我觉得每个男人烂的程度都和我差不多（如果我们将“烂”定义为渴望能哄女孩上床又不必付出什么的话）。
Here’s the bottom line:
说到底,最重要的一点是：
If I really like a girl, I’m going to make the first move.
如果我真的喜欢一个女孩，我一定会主动出击。
So, go ahead. Make the first move on that cute, coy guy if you want. Just remember the Get Out Of Guilt Free card you may be handing him if you do.
因此，随便你。主动去挑逗那个俊俏又腼腆的帅哥吧，只要你愿意。只是牢牢记住，你一边挑逗他，一边也许就已经朝他奉上了“甩我无罪”的理由卡片。
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