One of the BIGGEST problems you may face when trying to meet new friends is the awkward silence. Encountering this situation is so uncomfortable that it can even force you to avoid meeting new people in the first place, but there is a way to get around it. In the past, I I struggled with this so much that I thought it could never be solved. I even thought it had to do with my DNA or something… but I proved myself wrong when I learned how to solve it. Not knowing how to keep a conversation going can really harm your social life, but if you know how to keep those words flowing, you can meet, talk to, and get to know pretty much anyone you like—creating great possibilities for friendship, fun, and shared activities that you would otherwise have missed out on.
尴尬的沉默是你在试着结交新朋友时要面对的最大的问题之一。遇到这种情况会让人感觉特别难受，甚至让你一开始就没法认识新的人。但是有一种方法可以让你避免这样的尴尬情况。过去，我也对此很纠结，我想这种情况是没法解决的。我甚至想这一定和我的基因或是什么有关……但是，当我学着去解决它的时候，我发现我自己错了。不懂得如何让谈话进行下去会损害你的社交生活，但是只要你知道如何让谈话连贯下去，你就可以和你钦慕的人见面、交谈、和他们成为朋友，为你们的友谊、乐趣创造机会，还可以和他们一起参与活动。否则，你就会错过这些机会。
Why You Run Out of Things to Say
为什么会无言以对
After studying this in depth, I found patterns of behavior that can keep you from making great conversation with people. One of these common behaviors is the habit of filtering—holding back from saying something until you’ve “checked” with yourself to make sure that what you’re about to say is cool, impressive, smart, and interesting. What does that do to your conversation ability? It kills it! Another problem is not learning to get in the mood for conversation. If you spent a whole day working or studying analytical or logical subjects, and you don’t know how to switch from that, then it can take a lot of time to warm up and start interacting with people socially. You can overcome this simply by learning a few new skills, such as the ones listed below. Once you do that, you’ll be able to talk to new people, and make friends, much more easily.
在深入研究之后，我发现一些模式的行为会让你和别人的对话不了了之。其中一个常见的行为就是“过滤筛选”的习惯——一直犹豫着要不要说出一些话直到你自己“检查”并确保你要说的内容是时髦的或是让人印象深刻或是机智的或是有趣的。这会对你的谈话能力有什么影响呢？它杀死了它！另一个问题是不在谈话的状态。如果你一整天都在工作或是研究分析和逻辑判断，你就会不知道如何从中切换到交谈状态，这样就会让你花费很长时间来“热身”，然后才能开始和别人的社交互动。不过，只要学会一些类似下面提到的新技巧可以让你轻松克服这个问题。一旦你做到了这些，你就可以很轻松地和新认识的人交谈，结识新的朋友。
How to Keep Conversations Going
对话技巧1 不要“过滤筛选”
Let’s get you started with a couple of basic, yet solid techniques on how to be a great conversationalist:
人的反应能力允许你想到什么说什么。不要去过滤筛选，不要自己问自己“我说了这个会不会让我的话听上去酷一些？”这些都不要做。最好的练习方法就是和你想了解的人这样随心所欲地对话，你敢这样做吗？你会有趣地发现，你可以说任何你脑子里想到的东西，而且没有人会因此评判你。只要你不说那些会让你锒铛入狱的话，那就没问题了！人们不会过多的关注你说的东西有多“笨拙”，因为他们更加关注他们留给别人的印象。明白了吧？如果明白了，就这样做吧……
Conversation technique #1 No Filtering
谈话技巧2 “太有趣了，你再多告诉我一些吧！”
This is the reflex that allows you to say whatever goes on in your mind. No filtering, no checking with yourself ”would I sound cool if I say this?”. None of that. The best way to practice this is to start doing it with people you kind of know—do you dare to try it? It’s fun to realize that you’re allowed to say whatever is on your mind, and no-one is going to judge you for it. As long as you don’t say anything that could land you in jail, you’re okay! People don’t care too much about how “awesome” what you’re saying is, because they’re too focused on how THEY are coming across. Get it? If so, let’s move on…
这在99%的情况下都有用。这是个很容易成功的技巧，并且对于初学者特别有用。人们乐于知道你对他们说的话感兴趣，所以如果你表现出你有兴趣，他们就会继续闲聊下去并且想让你知道得更多。所有的像“哦，这很有趣啊……”，“嗯，我从没听说过那个”，“啊，这太酷了！”的语句都是对话中的小小互动，这让别人觉得你真的在听并且这也对他们最好的赞美，让他们很受用。
Conversation technique #2 “Interesting, tell me more!”
谈话技巧3 任何地方的故事
This works 99% of the time. It’s a surefire technique, and it works especially well for beginners. People love to know that you’re interested in what they have to say, so if you show some interest, they’ll hang around and want to talk to you even more. All of the “oh! that’s interesting…”, “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that”, “Hmm, cool!”expressions are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.
每个人都知道故事可以调剂对话，但是大部分人只是谈他们自己生活中的故事。其实当你和别人说话的时候，你不需要从自己的经历早你的故事。你可以用任何地方发生的故事，发生在你认识的人身上的故事，通过广播、电视、杂志知道的事……怎样把故事融入到你们的谈话中？关键是你首先要意识到你可以用它们。你听过的故事，越有趣越奇异，它们就越难被你忘记，所以你都可以用。他们不会让你忘记的。当别人提到一些任何关于这些故事的东西时，就说这些故事吧，即使它们不是你生活中的。可以是任何愚蠢的故事，长的或是短的，有趣的或是很尴尬的，都可以用！人们喜欢和那些公开谈论这样的事情的人交谈。
Everyone knows that stories juice-up conversations, but most people only talk about stories their own lives. You don’t have to draw from your own experience when speaking with someone: you can use stories from anywhere, from stories that happened to people you know, to those you came across via the radio, TV, magazines, etc. How can you integrate the stories into your conversation? The key is to first realize that you can use them. You’ve already heard them, and the more interesting or weird they are, the harder they are to forget, so you’re all good. Your brain doesn’t lose them. When someone mentions something related to any of them, just tell the story, even if it’s not from your life. It can be any silly story, short or long, interesting, or totally awkward—just use it! People love talking to people who can just share stuff openly like that. These techniques should get you started, but if you want to take it to an advanced level—to the point where you can just have fun when talking to anyone, meet the right people you want in your life, and be able to make friends with them fast—then I recommend that you take a little time to learn more about how conversations work. If you do that, you’ll make conversations far more interesting, with natural ease, avoiding all awkward silences that might prevent you from meeting the right friends that you would love to have around.
这些技巧可以让你开始交谈，但是如果你想达到你可以和任何人都聊得来还很有乐趣，认识你生命中对的人，并且很快成为朋友的更高阶段，那么我建议你花些时间学学有效地更好地交谈。如果你做到这些，你会把交谈变得更有趣，更加自由轻松，让那些阻止你与你想要的适合的朋友相处的尴尬的沉默消失无踪。
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