Transforming Lords into Partners
Recently I received an email from a Fortune China reader with an excellent question.最近，我收到一位财富中文网读者的电子邮件，提出了一个非常好的问题。
Essentially she told me:
她在信中写道：
“I feel deeply frustrated about the way our customers treat us…they always act as “Lords” and expect us to just be obedient servants. They act so high and mighty, are often rude, and say things like ‘we pay the money so you just have to do as we say.’ What can I do to change such relationships?”
“客户对待我们的方式让我深感沮丧……他们总是摆出一副‘上帝’的样子，希望我们像仆人般顺从。他们趾高气扬，粗鲁无礼，常说‘我付钱，你就得照我说的做。’这种话。要改变这种客户关系，我应该怎么做？”
This is a very common situation in a region where partners are more often referred to as “vendors” and is based on a very old model of business: the model where customer is Lord and service providers are seen as obedient servants, sometimes as slaves. As a young man I worked as an account executive in an advertising agency and experienced this model regularly.
在那些把合作伙伴当作“供应商”，沿用老掉牙的商业模式的地区，以上情况屡见不鲜。在这种商业模式下，客户就是上帝，服务供应商被当作顺从的仆人，甚至是奴隶。年轻时，我曾经在一家广告公司担任业务经理，那时就常常遇到这种情形。
I recall one client, a global company that were in the habit of snapping their fingers and making outrageous demands, on short notice and expect us to work miracles. We often did just that, never got so much as a thank you, but could expect verbal abuse if we made the slightest mistake or did not move as fast as they wanted us to. In fact, on my first day serving this client, when I arrived at their office, I was led outside by a janitor and told to sit on a bench and “wait here in case they need something.” It was clear that the previous agency had been trained to have someone sitting patiently on that bench at all times, waiting for the “Lords” to snap their fingers.
我记得，曾经有一个客户是一家跨国企业，这家公司对合作伙伴总是抱着“呼之即来挥之即去”的态度，常提各种过分要求，而且给的任务时间还特别短，总是希望我们能够创造奇迹。而我们通常都尽力达到了他们的要求，却从未听到过一声“谢谢”；一旦有半点差池或无法赶上客户要求的进度，我们还要挨骂。事实上，在我第一天接触这家客户时，我就在他们的办公室领教到了这一点。当时我被门卫带到办公室门外，他叫我坐在一张凳子上，告诉我“在这里等一下，等领导需要时再见你。”显然，以前的代理商都被这家客户训练得没了脾气，次次都派人耐心地坐在凳子上等候“上帝”对他们的召唤。
Of course I refused to accept this model and it was the beginning of a long process leading to being accepted as a partner, rather than a vendor. And, looking back, it was a great learning experience with lessons that I was able to apply many times during my 30 years as a consultant serving customers. Here I’m happy to share what I feel are the five most important things anyone can do to transform “Lords” into partners.
我当然拒绝接受这种模式，由此开始了一段长时间的努力，直至被客户当做是真正的合作伙伴，而不仅仅是供应商。现在回想起来，那是一段很好的学习经历，让我学到了许多东西，可以在后来30年的客服顾问生涯中多次用到。在我看来，要把“上帝”变成合作伙伴有五大要点，任何人都能做到。分享如下：
If You Act Like a Slave, Expect to be Treated Like One.If you put your customers on a high pedestal, go in bowing and scraping before them, living in fear of their every displeasure, you can expect to be treated like dirt. Why? Because your behavior conveys the message “I am nothing, just a lowly service provider, and you are the Lord with the money.” Perhaps you have seen others acting life peasants under their Lords, or even been told that “this is our fate, the only way we can survive.” If so, you have been given very bad advice.
1. 如果你卑躬屈膝，别人就会不把你当回事。如果你将客户奉若神明，在他们面前点头哈腰，他们一不高兴你就战战兢兢，那么客户自然会瞧不起你。为什么？因为你的行为传达出这样一个信息：“我什么都不是，只是一个卑微的服务供应商，而您是有钱的上帝。”或许你曾经见过其他人在他们的上帝面前如此卑躬屈膝，又或许有人告诉过你：“这就是我们的命，只有这样才能活下去。”如果真是这样的话，你听到的都是些糟糕透顶的建议。
The truth is, it is up to you to behave like someone worthy of respect and if you don’t, you won’t get much. People will pretty much treat you as you treat yourself. So, stop teaching people to disrespect you and start transforming the way you see yourself: get very clear that every person has exactly the same amount of self-worth, not more and not less. Your worth does not come from your title, your salary, or your experience. It is a gift you received at birth and it can never be diminished. Know that you have unique gifts that can make a difference for other people and hold your head up high.
事实上，这一切都取决于你自己，你的言行举止应当值得别人尊重。如果做不到这一点，就得不到尊重。你怎么对待自己，别人就会怎么对待你。所以不要再教别人如何去不尊重你，从现在开始，改变你看待自己的方式：要知道，每个人的自我价值都是一样的，没有人更高贵，没有人更低贱。人的自身价值并不来自于头衔、工资或经验。它是一种天赋，在你出生那一刻就拥有的、无法消减的天赋。相信自己拥有独特的天赋，能够去影响别人，然后昂首挺胸做人。
“Who you are speaks so loudly…I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”
“你本身……要比你所说的话更有分量。”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
——拉尔夫•沃尔多•爱默生
Remember:no one can put you down without your permission.
记住：没有你的允许，没人能够轻视你。
2. Customers Are Just People Like You.Regardless of their position, age, experience or power, customers are just ordinary people. They have families, problems, pressures, hopes and dreams. They have the same human needs that you do. They have experienced joys and tragedies. When you treat a customer as “Lord” you are actually dehumanizing them. So start today to “re-humanize” they way you think about your customers and begin looking at them in the context of a potential human relationship. Start to become curious about what their personal lives are like, what’s important to them, what are their frustrations and how you can help. They are just people with flaws and doing the best they can for now.
2.和你一样，客户也是人。无论是什么职位、年龄，有什么经验或权力，客户也只是普通人。他们有家庭、烦恼、压力、希望和梦想。你想要的，他们也想要。他们也同样经历过悲欢离合。当你把一名客户当做“上帝”，你就舍弃了他们的人性。从今天开始，把你的客户“当作普通人看待”，在合适的人际关系中重新定位你的顾客。去了解现实生活中的他们，了解他们看重什么，有什么烦恼，设法提供帮助。他们不过是有缺点但努力做到最好的普通人。
Remember:Never, ever, take anything personally! It is NOT about you! Even if people seem rude, distant, cold, whatever. That’s about them, not you. All grown-ups know this. Taking things ‘personally’ is a sign you think the world revolves around you. It doesn’t so get over it.
记住：千万不要都往自己身上揽！他们没有针对你个人！即使他们粗暴、疏远、冷漠，那又怎样。那只是他们的事，与你无关。所有成年人都知道这个道理。太介意的话，只能说明你觉得世界都是围绕你在转。并不是这样的，所以改掉这一点。
3. Focus on Relationships,Not ‘Transactions.’Do you sometimes see your customer as an ATM machine?A source of money at the end of a transaction? This is more common than you may thing. And if you see a customer only in terms of “getting the order” or “making a profit” they will not fail to act as Lords! After all, its clear you care nothing for them as people, you are like everyone else, trying to get their money, take advantage of the, etc. So if you want to be seen as a Partner, on an equal footing, start seeing and treating each customer as part of a long term relationship. Most people give ‘lip service’ to doing this but it is clear from their actual behavior that they don’t actually play a “Win-Win” game. In your close relationships, how much do you know about the people you are close to? The answer is, you know a lot and they know a great deal about you. Why don’t you know as much about your customers? Is it because you don’t really seem them as potential friends or long term partners.
3.注重人际关系，而不是“交易”。你有没有经常把客户看作提款机，或是只盯着交易完成时的那笔钱？这种想法相当常见。如果在你眼里，“拿到订单”、“赚钱”就是客户的代名词，那么他们的行为表现就会像上帝！毕竟，你显然根本没有把他们当人看，而是和其他人一样，想着如何从他们那里赚钱或者赚到便宜。想让他们视你为合作伙伴的话，就要将心比心，把他们视为你长期合作关系中的一部分，把他们当做客户去对待。大多数人只会动动嘴皮子，他们的实际行动充分说明了他们没有努力实现双赢。那些和你最亲密的人，你对他们的了解有多深？答案是：你们对对方都了若指掌。那么为什么不能对你的客户做到这一点？因为你并没有把他们视为潜在的朋友或长期合作伙伴。
4. Establish Common Ground.Make it your business to learn everything about your customers, including:
4. 建立共同点。将了解客户的一切当作事业来做，包括：
Personal History, including birth date
·个人经历，包括出生日期
·Family Members
·家庭成员
·Favorite sports
·喜欢的体育运动
·Favorite celebrities
·欣赏的名人
·Hobbies
·爱好
·Books they like
·喜爱的书籍
·Favorite Movies
·喜爱的电影
·Foods they like
·喜爱的食物
·What they dislike
·不喜欢的事物
·Dreams, aspirations, goals
·梦想、愿望以及目标
As you learn these things, look for the “common ground” and share it with them. Don’t fake it or pretend you have things in common if you don’t. You will be found out. To establish Common Ground, authenticity is key. This can be done during personal meeting time such as lunches, dinners or even a cup of coffee. It doesn’t mean you have to take them out and drink with them until you pass out! In fact, on those occasions, very little is often shared. But a sincere request to learn more about your customer sends a clear signal: you care, you are involved, you want to know them as people. Sharing a personal story about yourself literally has the ability to transform how they see you.
了解这些信息后，就可以寻找“共同点”，再与客户分享。如果没有，也请不要伪造共同点。谎言终究会被识破。要建立共同点，真实才是关键。共同点的建立可以在私人会面时完成，例如午餐、晚餐，甚至一杯咖啡的时间。这并不意味着你需要带着客户出去喝到酩酊大醉！事实上，这些场合反倒很难与客户分享经历。然而，通过一个真诚的请求表达出你想了解他们的意愿，就能明确传达出这样的信号：你在乎他们，你想融入他们、了解他们。分享你的个人经历能够转变他们看待你的方式。
As you learn keep a file on them and review it before each meeting or phone call. Bring your understanding of them into conversations, each time reminding them you are a person that sees them as more than a transaction and that you have things in common with them. This is the secret of building “Rapport”--- a state where two people easily get into harmony. The more rapport you build, the less people act like “Lords.”
学会将客户信息整理出一份资料，并在每次会面或致电前回顾这些内容。带着对客户的了解与之对话，这样他们每次都能感受到，你并没有单纯地将他们视作交易对象，而且你们还拥有共通之处。这就是建立“默契关系”的秘诀，在默契的状态下，两个人很容易达到和谐之境。建立的默契越多，对方变成“上帝”的机会就越小。
“People like to do business with people they like. And, they like people who are like them.” Anthony Robbins
“人们愿意和自己喜欢的人做生意，而且往往也喜欢那些与自己相似的人”
5. Listen with Your Heart, Not Just Your Mind.Most people simply don’t listen. Why? Because they are too busy planning what they want to say, or planning to defend or hit back or ‘score a point.’ That is very sad and is actually the cause of almost all the trouble there is. You can transform your listening by learning to be fully “present” with your customers whenever you are together.
5. 用心聆听，而不仅仅是给个耳朵。很多人都不会倾听。为什么？因为他们都在忙着思考要说什么，或准备进行辩解，或回击，或“证明自己的论点正确”。这是非常悲哀的，同时也几乎是所有问题的症结所在。你可以把握和客户在一起的一切机会，通过学会全心“聆听”客户的要求，改变你的倾听能力。
Listen to their facial expression
·注意他们的面部表情
Listen to the tone of their voice
·聆听他们的语调
Listen to the rate of their breathing
·聆听他们的呼吸频率
Listen for emotions
·聆听情感
Listen for the deeper issues and concerns
·聆听更深层次的问题和关注点
Listen for requests for help
·聆听对获取帮助的请求
Listen for the possibilities to make a contribution
·通过聆听寻找做出贡献的可能性
To listen in this way takes practice, and, it can be easily learned by anyone who is willing to put their own ego aside and just open themselves to experiencing the totality of the other person.The more you practice, the easier it gets.
这种聆听方式需要练习，而且不管是谁，只要愿意放下自我并且敞开心扉去体会他人的全部，都很容易习得。练习的次数越多，就越容易做到。
Listening is the most powerful way to gain influence with others, not talking. And, when you speak, let your speaking reflect what showed up in your listening.
事实上，对他人产生影响力的最有力方式是聆听，而不是述说。同时，在你述说时，将聆听到的内容反映到你的述说当中。
Remember:Never assume you have understood! Always say “Thanks for sharing that. Let me see if I understand…” And then play it back to them using their own words whenever possible. As it turns out, mirroring their words back to them is yet another way to establish deep rapport and trust. By doing this you will often discover that you didn’t understand and that lets you avoid big mistakes.
记住：绝不要想当然认为自己已经理解！始终要说“谢谢你的分享。不知我理解的是否正确……”然后尽可能用他们自己的语言进行复述。事实证明，用他们的语言表达进行回复，是另一种建立深层次默契和信任的方法。这样做时，你经常会发现，其实自己并未理解，这可以让你避免犯下大错。
If you are saying to yourself:“Easy to say, not easy to do” you are correct. Relationships are never easy. (Welcome to Earth!) So why is it worth your time to transform “Lords” into partners? Here is what is waiting for you when you do:
如果你告诉自己“说到容易做时难”，这一点确实没错，人际关系从来都不是一件容易的事。（欢迎来到地球！）那么为什么要花时间将“上帝”变成合作伙伴？当你实现这种转变时，就会获得以下好处：
A never-ending stream of business opportunities as you become not a “vendor” but a Trusted Advisor
当你成为一名值得信赖的顾问而不是“供应商”时，就会有源源不断的商业机会。
The personal satisfaction you get from real relationships with real people.
·你可以从人与人之间的真正联系中获得个人满足。
The deep learning that is possible when people form lasting partnerships
·长期的合作关系可以带来深入的学习机会。
Confidence in your ability to create meaningful relationships…even with “Lords.
·对自己构建良好人际关系能力的自信……即使对方是“上帝”。
Final Thought:“People don’t care how much you know…until they know how much you care.” Eleanor Roosevelt
最后的哲理：“除非人们知道你有多在乎，否则没人会关心你知道多少。”——埃莉诺•罗斯福。（财富中文网）
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