Don’t feel so bad for couples who live apart. Absence, according to the latest research, does make the heart grow fonder — as long as there’s video-chat, IMing, telephones or texting.
不要可怜异地分居的夫妻。最新的研究表明，异地恋使恋人更爱对方——只要有视频聊天，即时通信，电话和短信。
About 3 million spouses in the U.S. live far away from each other, even though they’d prefer to live together, and the new study, published in the Journal of Communication, found that the separation did not have such a negative effect on their relationships.
尽管不愿意，在美国，有300万对夫妻异地分居。一项发表在《传播学期刊》上的研究成果发现，异地分居对夫妻关系并没有非常负面的影响。
The researchers asked 63 heterosexual couples, half of whom lived together, and half whom were in long distance relationships, to keep a diary of one week of interactions with their beloved. The couples were young (mostly college students around age 21) and in love. The ones who lived apart had been separated geographically for an average of 17 months. The researchers, L. Crystal Jiang of City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell University, found, not surprisingly, that far-flung couples interacted fewer times per day. But these interactions were more meaningful.
研究者选取了63对异性恋恋人，其中一半居住在一起，一半异地恋。研究者让他们用日记的方式记录下一周内与自己另一半的联系。选取的恋人都较年轻（大多数为大学生，年龄21岁左右），且正处于热恋期。异地恋的恋分处两地的平均时间为17个月。这项研究由香港城市大学的Crystal江和康奈尔大学的杰弗里•汉考克开展。他们发现，异地分居的恋人每天互动的次数要少一些，但是这些互动却显得更有意义。
The couples who were in what was once called “geographically impossible” situations tended to reveal more about themselves in each conversation and to idealize their partner’s response to each piece of self-disclosure. They also spent more time on each interaction. Such disclosures and idealizations, studies suggest, are the building blocks of intimacy. So it’s not surprising that the diaries reflected more satisfaction among the remotely placed partners. “The long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy, ” says Jiang, “and their efforts do pay back.”
研究发现，那些分居两地，被称为“地理上不可能的”恋人，在每次通话时会更多地表露自己，并且也会把对方的回答理想化，看成全是对方的真心告白。他们每次互动的时间也会更长。研究认为，这样的表露和理想化的理解，是建立亲密关系的基础。因此，异地分居的恋人的日记显示更多的满足感也就不让人吃惊了。江说：“异地恋人比居住在一起的恋人更努力地传达爱意和亲密感，而他们的努力也确实能得到回报。”
The couples who saw each other all the time, on the other hand, while recording more conversations, didn’t make such an effort and were more realistic about their partners’ responses. As Jiang and her colleagues wrote, earlier work on the effect of distance on the quality of relationships showed that “long-distance friends focus more on mutual understanding and trust while geographically close friends value practical help and consider ‘being there when needed’ an important feature of close friendship.”
另一方面，每天都看见对方的恋人，虽然有更多地交谈，但是却没有这种努力，而且对对方回应的理解也更现实客观。江和她的同僚写道，这项研究距离对感情的影响的前期成果表明，“异地恋人更多地关注互相理解和相互信任，而空间距离更近的恋人更注重实际的帮助，并认为‘需要的时候能出现’是亲密恋情的重要特征”。
Why does distance drive people to have deeper exchanges? The study doesn’t say, but it could be that communicating with somebody without having to worry about decoding their body language made them braver and more forthright. Or it could be that having only limited access to their partners made them want to use the time more meaningfully. Or it could just be that when they had the chance to communicate with their partner, they made it a priority and turned off the TV, looked away from social media or stopped multitasking.
为什么距离会让人们更深入交流呢？这项研究没有给出答案，但是有可能是相隔异地的人在谈话时不需要更多思考和解读对方的身体语言，从而使他们在谈话时更加勇敢和直接。或者也是由于聚少离多导致伴侣们更想好好地利用两人之间的互动时间。更或者是，当他们有机会相互交流的时候，他们会看重这些机会，关掉电视，暂时忘掉微博，同时停下手头其他的工作。
There aren’t that many studies on long-distance relationships, even though 75% of college students claim to have had one at some point. However, as two-career couples become more normative and as the economy compels both halves of a couple to take whatever work they can get, even if it’s not in the same town, it’s an area ripe for more inspection. The recent story of Manti Te’o, who had what seemed to him a genuine long-distance relationship with a girlfriend who turned out to be a fiction, suggests that bonds formed through media can be quite potent. On the other hand, the high rate of divorce among returning war veterans suggests that it’s not simply a matter of setting up a Skype connection while the service members are overseas. Previous studies have looked at how couples cope with problems, such as jealousy and stress, and it’s not a trivial effort.
尽管75%的大学生表示在某一阶段曾拥有过异地恋，对于异地恋的研究目前还不是很多。由于夫妻双方都工作，而且糟糕经济状况，迫使夫妻双方不敢放弃任何可能的工作机会，哪怕是‘背井离乡’，因此目前研究异地恋的条件已经成熟了。最近的曼泰•特奥的故事（特奥是大学橄榄球运动员，通过twitter认识一女的并坠入情网，去年9月一个比赛日收到女友出车祸身亡的消息，强忍悲痛，带领球队取得大胜，媒体报道感动全美。后来发现这个女的并不是真实的，特奥和全美国人都被网络忽悠了），说明‘网恋’的力量有多大。另一方面，从阿富汗、伊拉克战场回来的老兵的高离婚率，提示我们事情远没有给在海外服役的士兵建个skype连接那么简单。以前的研究已经探索了夫妻之间怎样处理类似嫉妒和压力这类问题，而且也表明这些研究的意义绝非是微不足道的。
One hint from the study for those who find themselves trying to sustain a relationship from afar: avoid e-mail. Couples who lived apart or who lived together both used e-mail about the same amount, which was not much. Among this age group, at least, e-mail was the least romantic form of communication. Score one for modern technology.
对于那些想维系异地恋的人，这项研究提了这样一个醒：不要使用电子邮件。厮守一起和相隔两地的男女在交流时使用电子邮件的频率大致相当，都不多。至少，对于处于这个年龄段的男女来说，电邮是最不浪漫的交流方式。多用用现代技术吧！
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