Beer
The professor rapped on his desk and shouted: “Gentlemen, order!” The entire class shouted: “Beet!”
He Will Beat Me
Teacher: If your brother has five apples and you take two from him, what will be the result?
John: He will beat me.
Both Are Busy
Tall man: That boy fell into the river just now. Why didn't you jump into the river to save him?
Short man: I was too busy. What were you doing then?
Tall man: I was crying “Help! Help!”
Telephone Number
“Teacher, what's the meaning of the numbers under the name of Columbus' 1451-1506'?” One of the students asked.
Jim stood up and shouted before the teacher answered. “It's very easy! That's his telephone number!”
Is He a Good Guide?
Showing a tour group around a museum, the guide said, “That fossil in the glass case is two million and nine years old.”
“How can you date it so precisely?” someone asked admiringly.
“That's easy,” replied the guide. “I've been working here nine years, and it was two million years old when I came.”
A Clever Boy
Tom: Papa, can you write your name without opening your eyes?
Father: Of course, I can.
Tom: All right! Please write your name on my school report.
Discover and Invent
Teacher: “What's the difference between ‘DISCOVER' and ‘INVENT', Black?”
Black: “Oh, it's very easy. Father discovered my mother and they invented me.”
Jack's Address
Tom: Do you know Jack's address, Mary?
Mary: No, I don't
Tom: Too bad! I lost his address.
Mary: But why don't you write to him first and ask him for it?
Seeing Is Not Always Believing
A professor met a friend and exclaimed, “ I heard you had died!”
“But you see I'm alive,” smiled the friend.
“Impossible,” decided the professor. “The man who told me this news is more reliable than you are.”
Teeth and Chocolates
Tom: Granny, have you got any good teeth?
Granny: Oh, my grandson, I haven't got any good teeth.
Tom: That's great! Can you keep these chocolates for me?
Two Cakes
Mother: Sam, I saw two cakes in the cupboard this morning, but there is only one now. Where is the other cake, do you know?
Sam: I don't know, Mum. The cupboard is very high. I could only find one because it was very dark in it.
I Know You Too Well
Jack: Tom, we have known each other for ten years, haven't we?
Tom: Yes, my friend.
Jack: You know me well, don't you?
Tom: Yes, of course.
Jack: Could you lend me ten pounds?
Tom: No.
Jack: But why?
Tom: Because I know you too well. |
