They still remember all those special occasion, and even seem to pay full attention to her when the two of them are together.
你想知道为什么有的男人结婚多年对妻子仍像对公主一般呵护备至，疼爱有加吗？他们记得所有纪念日，甚至只要两人在一起，他们似乎都会把全部心思都放在妻子身上。有些行为学家认为，多数已婚女性绝不会有激发丈夫如斯宠爱的魅力。那么，你是否具备让丈夫关怀备至的魅力呢？
Getting your man to show you more love and respect
让他对妳更爱更敬
The secret to unlocking this same degree of love and affection from your man is probably something you’ve never considered before. It has its basis in behavioral science and once you understand how it works you can literally reprogram the way your man responds to you.
如何从丈夫那里得到同等的关怀和疼爱呢？答案可能让你出乎意料，它有其行为学基础，一旦你了解其中原理，就可以轻松调整丈夫的待妻之道。
We all run a variety of programmed response patternsthat automatically trigger certain reactions to familiar situations. These response patterns shortcut the thinking process and create a direct link from trigger to behavior. That’s why we don’t have to think about things like using the key to start the car or answering the phone when we hear that ringing sound.
我们的大脑中有各种既定的反应模式，它们可对熟悉情况自动产生某种特定反应。这些反应模式可缩短思考过程，将触发点和产生相应行为直接连接起来。这就是为什么我们必须像这样思考事物----要开车，就想起找车钥匙；或者一听到电话铃声，就想接电话。
When emotional triggers backfire
情绪触发点适得其反时
In relationships it is pretty easy to develop unhealthy responses to our partner. This is especially true if one of us is constantly pushing our partners wrong buttonswithout even realizing it. If we are the one pushing those buttons then we will also be the target of those unwanted behaviors.
夫妻关系中很容易产生不良情绪。尤其是在一方无意踏入了另一方的雷区的时候。如果我们是误入雷区的一方，那么就会成为对方反击的目标。
Because we all have our own little quirks and idiosyncrasies, there are bound to be things that we do that rub our partner the wrong way. The effect is amplified if our irritating trigger comes at a time when they are tired or stressed out. This can easily give birth to a relationship damaging response pattern.
我们都有自己的怪癖和个性，所以肯定有引起摩擦的嫌疑。但若是在伴侣疲乏或过度劳累时惹其抓狂，这种影响就会被放大，也很容易启动危害夫妻关系的反应模式。
How this scenario plays out
“战争”是如何爆发的
Can you think of something that you sometimes do or say that really gets under your man’s skin? It could be almost anything, but whatever it is his reaction is usually fairly predictable and yet surprising at the same time. It might go something like this:
你能想出一些自己偶尔让丈夫烦躁厌恶的言行吗？可能多多少少都有一些，无论是什么，丈夫的反应常常是情理之中的出你意料，可能是像下面这样的：
Immediately, his whole demeanor changes in a negative way. He might look irritated and snap at you, or he might just stop talking and leave the room. Meanwhile, you figure he is just moody, irritable, or stressed out, because he seems to be overreacting for no reason. So, the question is…
他的所有行为突然变得消极起来。他可能对你怒目而视，厉声呵斥，或者只是一言不发，甩袖而去。而却你觉得他只是太情绪化，易燥易怒，或者只是疲劳过度使然，因为他似乎没理由这样反应过激。那么，问题是……
What really happened?
到底发生了什么？
As strange as this might sound, his brain was hijacked when your words or actions triggered an unhealthy response pattern. Something about your behavior flipped his switch and on a subconscious level he felt threatened. This is the same response that can quickly turn a minor disagreement into an all-out war.
也许这听起来有些奇怪，如果你的话语或动作启动了他的不良反应模式，他的大脑就会被“劫持”。与你的行为相关的一些事就会轻启他的开关，让他在潜意识里感觉自己受到威胁。这种反应与由小争执引发大战争的反应相同。
There is a part of our brain called the amygdala that is directly involved in feelings and responses related to anxiety and fear. The amygdala processes incoming information and automatically searches your memory bank to determine if it recognizes the information as friend or foe.
人脑中有一个称为杏仁核的部分，它与人的情绪和产生焦虑恐惧的反应密切相关。杏仁核负责处理接收的外界信息，并在人脑记忆库中自动搜索，以判定所识别信息是敌是友。
It all happens on autopilot
战争突如其来，一触即发
All of this happens instantly, and if the brain has a negative memory of that word or action, it goes into an automatic fight or flight response over which we have very little control. It’s called neural hijacking and it literally stops love, warmth, and intimacy from being able to enter the relationship.
这一切发生得很快，如果人脑中存有对那个词语或动作的消极记忆，就会产生我们难以控制的“战逃反应”（译者注：当人的情绪在极度状况，如惊吓下，交感神经系统往往会集体活化起来，所释放出的正肾上腺素与肾上腺素就会造成全身内脏器官的大量活动。这种因为交感神经系统的集活动所产生的全身性反应称为“战逃反应”，即 Fight-or-flight Response）。这就是“神经劫持”，它可以轻易终止伴侣给予的关爱和温暖，以及亲密行为。
Once this happens, it is game over and he won’t listen to anything you say. This is when arguing and finger pointing replace reasonable conversation as both partners defend their position by blaming the other. Not a pretty picture!
这一旦发生，一切就都结束了，他不会再听你的话。两人都为维护自己而诋毁对方，争执不休，指责不断，不再理性沟通。这可不是一幅和谐的画面！
3 Steps to more love and a deeper emotional connection
让他更关爱你，让你们更亲密的“三步法”
Since both partners have these emotional triggers, eliminating them can set the stage for a more loving and connected relationship. But before they can be eliminated, they need to be identified and then dealt with in an effective way. Here’s a simple 3 step process to accomplish that.
因为伴侣之间都有这样的情绪触发点，只有清除它们才能建立一个更有爱的夫妻关系。但在此之前，你需要辨识这些情绪触发点，然后才能将其有效清除。你可以按以下三步进行。
1. Identify the specific behavior from your perspective. Think of a few specific actions that you know set him off. Is it the tone of your voice or perhaps it’s a certain phrase you use when discussing a sensitive topic? Try to find the connection between your actions or words and negative response. Take your best shot and write a list of things you think it might be.
先想出一些你认为会让丈夫动怒的情境。再想想是不是你的语调或者谈论敏感话题的某个词让丈夫生气的？尽量找出你的动作言语和产生消极反应的联系。一定要尽力思考，然后把你所想到的都列出来。
2. Now from his perspective. Ask him to help you figure out what you do that sets him off. He may be hesitant to tell you, so assure him that you really want to know. Then let him talk and resist the urge to get defensive. It’s possible that he’s not even aware of a specific link between what you’re doing and his response. If that’s the case, then just go with your list.
让他帮你想想是你做了什么事让他生气的。他可能犹豫要不要告诉你，这时你要让他清楚你是真的想要知道。然后让他说，你还需忍住为自己辩解的冲动。他很可能都没意识到你之前的行为和他的反应之间的特定联系。如果真是如此，那就得马上列入你的清单。
3. Start avoiding those words or actions. Simply eliminate them from your life so you no longer trigger that unhealthy response pattern and see what happens. When you take away the trigger, the gun won’t fire. This may involve a little trial and error, but you can rely on his response to guide your efforts.
只要简单地把这些从你的生活中清除，你就不会再引发那些不良反应模式，然后再看看你们的关系如何。只要你远离这些不良触发点，你们就不会擦枪走火。这个尝试的过程中，你可能会犯错，但你可以让他的反应引导你的努力方向。
A relationship is a two way street and I am well aware that this method puts the initial burden on you, but it has to start somewhere. Once those old destructive patterns have been broken and he has learned to treat you with more love and respect, it will be a lot easier to help him see the value of avoiding certain behaviors that get under your skin.
一段关系好比一条双向街道，我很清楚这个方法最初确实把担子压在了你一个人的身上，不过万事开头难嘛！一旦那些以前的破坏模式被打破，他就会对你更爱更敬，同时也让他意识到避免惹你生气的行为是多么有价值。
It’s a shame that nobody really talks about this technique because it’s extremely powerful and works in almost any situation. I learned it from Randy Bennett, a licensed relationship expert who has been using it for 25 years to help women regain the love and respect they deserve.
不过很遗憾没人谈论这个技巧，因为它相当强大，而且在任何情况都适用。我是跟Randy Bennett学到的。他是一位认证的夫妻关系专家，25年的临床案例中，此法屡试不爽，帮助了很多女性重获丈夫的关爱和自己应得的尊重。
If you want to learn more about how hitting the wrong relationship triggers can cause a good relationship to go bad, Randy has put together a very informative video called How to Become Irresistible Again. His presentation explains in detail exactly how you can eliminate these triggers from your relationship while developing a deep emotional connection with your man.
如果你想要了解更多关于如何消除使良好关系变质的错误的关系触发点，Randy已发布了一段很有用的视频----“如何恢复迷人魅力”。他的演讲详细地为你解释了想和丈夫加深感情，该如何清除这些夫妻关系中的不良触发点。
Do you wish he would show you more love and respect?
你想让他对你更爱更敬吗？
Have you been unintentionally pushing the wrong buttons?
我们的热线电话一直为你开放！
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