So many of us hold on to little resentments that may have stemmed from an argument, a misunderstanding, the way we were raised, or some other painful event. Stubbornly, we wait for someone else to reach out to us
我们之中很多人会心怀怨恨，也许源于成长的过程中的一次争执，一场误会，或者其他一些令人感到痛苦的事情。我们执拗地等待对方先服软，认为这是我们原谅他人，重续友情或家庭关系的唯一方式。
- believing this is the only way we can forgive or rekindle a friendship
我认识一个人，她的健康状况不是很好。最近她告诉我，近三年来，她都没有和她的儿子说话。
or family relationship.
“为什么不呢？”我问。
An acquaintance of mine, whose health isn't very good, recently told me that she hasn't spoken to her son in almost three years. "Why not?" I asked. She said that she and her son had had a disagreement about his wife and that she wouldn't speak to him again unless he called first. When I suggested that she be the one to reach out, she resisted
她说，“她和儿子对儿子的妻子有过争执。除非他打电话过来，否则她不会再和他说话。”
initially and said, "I can't do that. He's the one who should
我提议她可以主动跟儿子沟通，她起初反对了这个想法，并说：“我做不到。他才应该道歉。”
apologize." She was literally willing to die before reaching out to her only son. After a little gentle encouragement, however, she did decide
她宁死也不愿意在她唯一的儿子面前低头。然而，在得到一些正面的鼓励后，她却决定先给她儿子台阶下。
to be the first one to reach out. To her amazement, her son was grateful for her willingness to call and offered an apology of his own. As is usually the case when someone takes the chance and reaches out, everyone wins.
令她吃惊的是，她的儿子对她主动打来电话表示感谢，并向她道歉。在通常情况下，当一个人抓住机会首先放下身段联系另一个人的时候，这种做法对双方都好。
Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn "small stuff" into really "big stuff" in our minds. We start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They are not. If you want to be a more peaceful person you must understand that being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy. The way to be happy is to let go, and reach out. Let other people be right. This doesn't
我们在压抑愤怒时，会把“小事”想象成真正的“大事”。我们开始觉得，立场比幸福更重要。但其实它们不是。如果你想成为一个更平和的人，你就必须明白，证明自己是正确的并没有比让自己快乐更重要。幸福是在放手并主动放低姿态的过程中得到。让其他人正确不代表你错。一切都会好起来。在这过程中你能体会放下的感觉，那种和平的喜悦，体会到那种让别人正确的快乐。
they will become less defensive and more loving toward you. They might even reach back. But, if for some reason they don't, that's okay too.
你还可以注意到的是，当你首先伸出手，让别人正确，他们将减少对你的防卫，增加对你的喜爱。他们甚至有可能在下次也这样对你。但是，如果由于某种原因他们不这样做，那也没关系。
You'll have the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your part to create a more loving world, and certainly you'll be more peaceful yourself.
为了世界更加有爱贡献出自己的力量，你会因此获得内心的满足感。当然，你本人也会更加平静的处事。
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