"We become what we think about all day long."
“你整天想什么，你就成为什么样的人。”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
——拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生
Perhaps no aspect of EQ is more important than our ability to effectively manage our own negative emotions, so they don't overwhelm us and affect our judgment. In order to change the way we feel about a situation, we must first change the way we think about it. Neuro-psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen developed an easy to practice exercise called "ANT Therapy - Killing our Automatic Negative Thoughts, " which helps us examine the nature of our negative experiences, and relate to it in such a way as to reduce our negative emotions. Click on this video link ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SGDnL1j7lw) to see Dr. Amen explain ANT Therapy (from 01:04 to the end of the clip, and at the very beginning of the next sequence).
也许情商的任何方面都不比我们能有效地管理自已负面情感重要，因此它们无法压倒我们、影响我们的判断。为了改变我们看待一种情形的方式，我们必须首先改变我们思考方式。神经精神病医生丹尼尔•阿门博士创造了一种容易而实用被称为”ANT法“——赶走我们自动消极思想。这种疗法能帮助我们检查我们消极体验的性质，而且以一种减少我们消极情感的方式体验它。点击这个视频连接 (www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SGDnL1j7lw)来观看阿门博士解释ANT疗法（从01：04到本裁剪结束，接着下集的开始）
2. The ability to stay cool under pressure
2.在压力下能保持冷静。
"Trouble comes from the mouth." - Chinese proverb
“祸从口出，”——中国谚语。
Most of us experience some level of stress in life. How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. Here are some quick tips:
生活中，我们大多数人都经历某种程度的压力。我们如何处进有压力的情形，可能对区分自信与活性,准备与疲惫不堪有重要作用。在有压力的情况下，必须牢记的最重要事情就是保持冷静。这里有一些高效的提示：
A. If you feel angry and upset with someone, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of complicate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.
A. 如果你感到愤怒，对某人发火，在说一些你以后可能感到后悔前，深深地吸一口气，慢慢地数到十。在大多数情况下，到数到十时，你会想出一种更好交流问题的方式，因此你能减少而不是使问题复杂。如果数到十后，你仍然感到怒火，要是有可能的话，抽出一些时间，在你冷静下来后才重新讨论这个问题。
B. If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. Cool temperature can help reduce our anxiety level. Avoid caffeinated beverages which can stimulate your nervousness.
B.如果你感到紧张、焦虑，就自己的脸溅些冷水，呼吸一些新鲜空气凉爽的温度有助于减少我们的焦虑程度。避免吃含有能剌激你紧张的咖啡因饮料。
C. If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. The way we use our body affects greatly the way we feel. As the saying goes - motion dictates emotion. As you experience the vitality of your body, your confidence will also grow.
C.如果你感到害怕,抑郁,或沮丧，。我们使用自己的身体的方式在很大程度影响我们感受的方式。俗话说：运动主宰情感。随着你感受自己身体的生命力，自己的自信也会增长。
D. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, stuck, or uninspired, go outdoors and clear your head. Go into nature and surround yourself in colors of
D.如果你觉得不知所措,困惑、无法摆脱或缺乏创见，走出室外去清醒一下头脑。走进大自然，让自己处于有镇静作用的绿色和蓝色环境中。寻找一个能观全景的景点，向远处观望。散散步，进行深呼吸。清空你的思绪，带回一个全新的视角。
3. The ability to read social cues
3.能看别人暗示
"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are."
“我们没有如实地看待事物，而是希望它成为自己心中想要的样子。”
- Anais Nin
——阿娜伊丝·宁
People with high EQ are generally more accurate in their ability to perceive and interpret others' emotional, physical, and verbal expressions. They also know how to communicate effectively to clarify intentions. Based on the writing of Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II, here are a couple of tips to increase the accuracy of reading social cues:
具有高情商的人通常能更精确地感知和理解他人的情感,身体和口头表达。他们还知道如何有效地沟通来明确意图。根据罗纳德·阿德勒和罗素学监II的作品，这里有几个增加准确地看清别人暗示的方法：
A. When we see an expression from someone that we don't understand fully, come up with at least two possible interpretations before jumping to conclusion. For example, I may be tempted to think my friend's not returning my call because he's ignoring me, or I can consider the possibility that he's been very busy. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.
A.当我们看到一个自己并不完全理解的别人表情时，至少提出两种可以的解释，然后才作出结论，例如，我可能倾向认为我的朋友回电话，因为他不理我，或者可以认为他可能现在忘得不开交。当我们避免以个人的观点看待别人人行为时，就能更客观地感知别人的表情。人们是因为自己而不是我们去做他们想做的事。开拓我们对这种情况的角度，可以减少可能的误解。
"A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than they're constipated!"
“别人的消极表情可能仅仅意味着他们迟钝了！”
- Daniel Amen
——丹尼尔·亚蒙
B. Seek clarification when needed. If necessary, inquire with the other person for clarification on why she's behaving the way she does. Ask opened ended questions such as: "I'm just curious, can you tell me why..., " and avoid accusations and judgments. Compare that person's words with body language and behavior to check for congruency.
B.必要时寻求澄清。如要必要的话，询问其他人搞清楚她为什么这样做。问一些一放式问题：比如：“我只是好奇，你能告诉我为什么......，” 但要避免指责和裁决。通过对人们的语言与肢体语言、行为的比较来检查是否一致。
4. The ability to be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary
4.必要时，有自信、能够表达不悦的情感。
"Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship."
“要做这样的人：我们需要自己能够公开地谈论对我们重要的事情；我们在坚持重要情感问题上要采取一个明确的立场；我们要澄清在一个关系中我们能够接受和容忍的限度。“
There are times in all of our lives when it's important to set our boundaries appropriately, so people know where we stand. These can include exercising our right to disagree (without being disagreeable), saying "no" without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities, getting what we paid for, and protecting ourselves from duress and harm.
有时，在我们的所有人生中，我们适当地设置自己的界限很重要，因此人们要知道自已的立场。这些可以包括行使我们不同意的权利（但不愤岔），不感到内疚地说“不”，确定自己的优先权，获得我们付出的东西以及防备自己受胁迫和伤害。
One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. Here are some examples:
考虑何时需要表达不悦情感的一个方法就是XYZ技术——在Z的情况下你做Y时，我感受到X。这里有一些例子：
"I feel strongly that I should receive recognition from the company based on my contributions."
“我坚决认为，基于我对公司的贡献，我应该获是公司的认可。”
"I feel uncomfortable that you expect me to help you over my own priorities."
“你指望我帮你超过我的优先权，我感觉不舒服。”
"I feel disappointed when you didn't follow through when you told me you would."
“你告诉我你会坚持到底，但你半途而废，我感到失望。”
"I feel frustrated when you continue to not take our finances seriously."
“当你继续对我们的财经状况采取不当一回事时，我感感到沮丧。”
"I felt hurt when you made fun of me at dinner last night."
“昨天晚餐你取笑我，我感到伤心。”
Avoid using sentences that begin with "you" and followed by accusation or judgment, such as "you are..., " "you should..., " "you need to...." "You" language followed by such directives put the listener on the defensive, and make them less likely to be open to what you have to say.
句子避免使用“你”开始、同时避免接着使用指责或裁决的话，比如：“你是......，”“你应该......，”“你需要......。”跟着这样指令性的“你”语言会让听者处于守势，因而使他们不可能接受你不得不说的话。
For more tips on how to communicate in difficult relationships, see my articles Are You a Poor Communicator? How to Improve, and Seven Ways to Say “No” and Keep Good Relations.
要了解更多有关如何在难处关系中进行沟通的提示，请阅读我的文章《你是一个不善的沟通者?如何提高 》以及《 七种说“不”，但能保持良好关系的方法》。
5. The ability to express intimate emotions in close, personal relationships
5.能在亲密的人际关系中表达亲密情感。
"We live in the shelter of each other."
“我们生活在彼此的庇护之中。”
- Celtic saying
——凯尔特谚语
The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions is essential to maintaining close personal relationships. In this case, "effective" means sharing intimate feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.
能够有效地表达和确认温柔的关爱情感，对保持亲密个人关系至关重要。在这种情况下，有效的”意味着在一个适当的关系中，以一种滋养和建设性的方式与某人共享亲密情感，而且能够在别人做同样的事情时能够作出菜定的回应。
A person's "heart withers if it does not answer another heart."
“如果一个人的心不对另一个心作出反应，那么其感情就会消失。”
- Pearl Buck
——珀尔·巴克
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman calls the expression of intimate emotions "bidding." Bidding can be any method of positive connection between two people desiring a close relationship. For example:
心理学家约翰·高特曼博士把亲密情感称为“要求”。要求可以是两个渴望一个亲密的关系人间的任何积极联系。例如：
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