Recently I met up with a friend of mine in San Francisco and we got to talking about someone we both knew back in New York. My friend explained to me that the reason why she liked this person so much is because she was one of the few people who made falling in love a priority.
最近我遇见旧金山的一个朋友，我们聊起一个我们都认识的纽约的一个朋友。我朋友对我解释说，她之所以那么喜欢那个人的原因是因为那个人把坠入爱河看作一个要务。
Huh. Making love and romance a priority in your life. As obvious as it sounds, I had never even thought of it like that before. Your first instinct might be to respond with, “Who doesn’t make love and sex and relationships a priority in their life? Everybody wants that!” And while it is true that mostly everyone yearns for companionship, not everyone makes a point to go after it. Not everyone actively dates and puts themselves out there and doesn’t make apologizes for placing romance above, say, a career. We like to judge those who are in relationships or go on lots of dates because, to some, it comes across as a weakness in their character. “They don’t know how to be alone. They’re co-dependent.” But the truth is that wanting to be in love is nothing to be ashamed of. Going on 10, 000 OKCupid dates doesn’t make you pathetic or desperate. When did admitting you want to fall in love with someone become so taboo?
呵呵。把爱情和浪漫当作生活的要务。就像听起来那样明显，我之前从来都没有想过。也许你本能第一个反应是，“谁不把爱情和性爱以及感情当作生活中的要务？每个人都想要！”然而尽管确实每个人都渴望陪伴，不是每个人都明确的去追逐。不是所有人都积极地约会、全身心投入，不会为把浪漫置于事业之上而道歉。我们喜欢评判那些恋爱中的人以及赶赴许多也会是因为，对某些人来说，是性格中的一个弱点。“他们不知道如何一个人，他们倚赖于别人”但是真相是，想要被爱没有什么值得羞愧的。赶赴10000场约会不会让你显得可怜或是绝望。是什么时候承认自己想和某人坠入爱河成了禁忌？
When my best friend moved to New York a year and a half ago, one of the first things she did was join OKCupid and go on dates with a bunch of different people. Seeing as how I’m someone who doesn’t use the website and is fearful of the concept of dating in general, my initial reaction was, “Slow your roll, honey. You got time!” I didn’t understand what the rush was, why she couldn’t focus on building a career first and developing a circle of friends before she tried delving into the relationship pool.
一年半之前，当我最好的朋友搬去纽约，她干的第一件事就是和一堆人约会。。鉴于我是那种不使用网站，且害怕约会这个概念，我的第一反应是，“慢点，亲爱的。你有的是时间！”我不理解急的是什么，为什么她不先把重心放在建立事业和发展朋友圈，而是先要谈恋爱。
After a few months of marathon dating, she predictably found a real gem of a guy and they’ve been together ever since. Sometimes she’ll say things to me like, “I can’t believe I found someone so quickly!” and I’ll say back, “Well, I can! At the rate you were going, you were bound to find someone!”
在几个月后马拉松是的约会之后，他找到了一个合适的人并从那时候开始在一起。有时候她会对我说一些诸如这样的话，“我不敢相信我这么快找到了一个人！”我会告诉她说：“好吧，我能！以你进行的速度，你迟早能找到的。”
It’s easy to be critical of someone who makes no bones about wanting a life partner. In reality though, falling in love is one of the bravest things you can do. I give props to anyone who prioritizes it. I give props to anyone who’s fearless and goes after what they want, whether it’s a dream job or a dream relationship. Why shouldn’t they? Why shouldn’t they be on a dating website? God forbid we actually admit to other people that we’re lonely and looking for somebody to love. The horrors of honesty! Why is it more okay to say to someone, “I’ve just been too preoccupied with building my career to go out and date…” than it is to say, “I’ve just been really focused on falling in love with an amazing person and building a solid relationship”? Whatever the hell makes you happy, right? This lesson is so delayed, I can’t believe it took me 26 whole years to learn it, but different things make people happy. Wow. How revelatory! My goals in life aren’t necessarily mirroring the goals of others and that’s fine. There’s no “right” order to go in. All you can hope for is that people are living their life with some fucking guts. They aren’t afraid to say what they want and go after it. It might not sound like that hard of a thing to do but in today’s shame-based culture it’s considered a damn victory just when you’re being honest.
人们很容易批评那些明显想找生活伴侣的人。尽管事实上，恋爱是你能做的最勇敢的事情之一。我支持那些不惧怕，并勇敢追逐他们所想要东西的人，不管是一个理想工作或是一个爱情关系。为什么他们该这样呢？为什么它们不能上网约会呢？上帝禁止人类向他人承认自己孤单并寻找爱的人。诚实的恐惧！为什么对别人说“我全神贯注于建立事业，而无法出去约会…”比说“我集中精力和一个了不起的人谈恋爱，并建立牢固的关系”要好？不管什么使你快乐，对吗？这个教训来的如此迟，我难以相信我花了26年的时间才知道，但是不同的事让人快乐。哇！多启迪人啊！我生命中的目标不一定是别人的目标，没关系。没有绝对的“正确”。你所能希望的只是，人们的生活充满了该死的勇气。他们不畏惧说出想要的东西，并追求这些东西。可能听起来不像是一件难做的事，但是今天的这种建立于羞愧的文化当中，诚实会被认为是一种讨厌的胜利。
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