作者: 爱尔兰UCD 赖小琪
今天下午表哥在QQ上告诉我家里给我汇的钱已经到了他那边, 叫我什么时候要就通知他, 他会换成欧元再汇给我. 我感到既高兴又愧疚, 那种感觉好像是打翻了五味瓶, 什么滋味都有.
前天打电话回家, 告诉母亲说学校要催着交住宿费了, 让她叫父亲汇钱给我. 母亲二话没说就答应了. 和母亲通完电话, 我有一种想落泪的冲动. 长这么大的人了, 现在还在向家里要钱, 而且每一笔数目都起码是一万以上, 我真的感到很愧疚. 我其实很清楚我的出国留学给家里带来了很沉重的负担, 正如我一个朋友老是和我在网上开玩笑说我在爱尔兰 “烧钱”. 但是不管怎样, 家人都义无反顾地支持我出来读书. 在申请办签证前, 我知道家里的经济并不怎么好, 因为我家刚搬进新屋不久, 之前建房子几乎花光了家里所有的积蓄, 有些材料费还没有完全付清. 所以当听说我想出国读书时, 父亲眉头紧锁, 母亲则面露难色. 其实当时尽管我很想出去读书, 但是如果家里条件不允许的话, 我一样会高兴地出来工作, 因为我明白供我读到大学, 家里已经非常不容易了. 去年清明过后, 我回到了学校, 得了严重的感冒, 发烧咳嗽不止. 病中的我仍然在想着究竟我是应该去找工作还是继续读书. 母亲知道我病了以后, 心急如焚, 几乎天天打电话到我手机来询问我的情况. 她在电话中和我说: “好好照顾好自己的身体, 你只有健健康康了我才可以放心! 关于你出国的前, 你不用担心, 我和你爸爸一定会帮你准备好的!” 挂下电话的那一刻, 我泪如雨下, 趴在桌上嚎啕大哭. 幸好当时宿舍只有我一个人, 不然场面肯定会很尴尬.
为了让我出来读书, 家里能出租的房子都出租了. 我家住在二楼, 一楼也几乎完全租了给一个卖建材的商人做生意, 并且一租就是租几年. 七凑八凑, 终于凑够了钱. 七月末我回到家, 一直呆到8月末才回到深圳, 在家整整呆了一个月. 回到家里, 感觉自己就像个皇帝, 除了做一些日常的家务以外, 就是吃睡玩. 父亲知道我回来要上网, 就提前开通了网络. 依旧和父亲没有什么话讲, 经常一天也说不上一句话. 从小到大, 他都没有和我有什么沟通. 我不知道究竟是什么原因. 他经常一脸严肃, 回到家就一声不吭地坐在摇椅上, 要么看电视, 要么看报纸. 我和弟弟都很敬畏他, 不敢接近他. 本来我们和母亲在厅里聊得正欢, 可是他一回家, 我和弟弟就怯生生地回到我们的房间. 小时候生病, 当母亲打电话叫他回来带我去看病时, 我都感到胆战心惊, 因为坐在他的摩托车后, 就会听到他不停地骂, 骂我不穿好衣服以致着凉了, 骂我乱吃热气东西等等. 病中的我只能默默地听着, 心里诚惶诚恐. 所以后来不到迫不得已, 我都不让母亲叫他回来带我去看病, 而是叫爷爷带我去.
二十多年的沟通的缺乏, 导致我们到现在只有只言片语. 虽然我知道父亲是爱我们的, 也一直在为我们默默付出, 可是我已经不懂得如何和他沟通了. 母亲一直叫我和弟弟要多点和他说话, 可是我可以说什么呢? 我不知道可以说什么. 一直以来关于我的学业问题, 比如说当初选专业, 后来选双专业, 考什么英语考试等等, 我都是自己做决定. 母亲的文化水平不高, 无法和她商量; 父亲则缺乏沟通, 我不想和他商量. 父亲只是默默地工作, 支撑起我的生活和学习的物质需求. 到现在为止, 当我看到别的父亲和小孩在追逐嬉戏时, 我都感到一阵感动, 同时也感到一阵微微的心痛. 因为这种情景触动了我的旧患. 一个缺乏父爱的孩子, 心里多多少少会有某种阴影. 而父亲以前偶然的一些 “异常”的举动, 却也深深地印在我的心里, 比如说小时候他带我们全家去酒楼喝早茶, 带我和弟弟去买烟花, 带我们去大河边游泳等等. 这些回忆虽然少, 可是对渴望父爱的我来讲, 却是弥足珍贵! 在寒夜凄清时, 在羡慕别人无话不谈的父亲时, 我也可以用这些记忆聊以自慰, 让我知道, 曾经在某个时刻, 我的父亲也是可爱的. 我很想对父亲说, 如果有下辈子, 我愿意做父亲, 他做我的儿子, 我会让他感受到我不曾感受过的父爱.
那次回家, 母亲和我说, 爷爷把他仅有的两万块钱的积蓄给了她支持我留学. 听到这个事情, 当着母亲的面我保持微笑, 可是回到房间把门反锁后, 我坐在床边鼻子一酸, 泪流满面. 那一刻我觉得自己很不孝, 很不孝. 一个老人辛苦了大半辈子, 连他最后那点积蓄也要给我读书. 自从奶奶走了以后, 虽然我在家呆的时间不多, 可是我总觉得爷爷形单影只, 很替他担心. 记得奶奶刚走时, 爷爷无法释怀, 整个人都苍老了很多. 他经常坐在厅里或者房间里发呆. 看到这种情景, 我总是上前去和他聊天, 和他一起缅怀我们在老屋的日子, 让他平静下来. 奶奶走了我也很痛苦, 我也经常以泪洗脸, 可是在爷爷面前, 我不能表现出伤心的样子, 不然他更加难受. 当傍晚我看到他坐在楼下门口旁边的椅子上望着西斜的落日而发呆时, 我的心就如刀割般阵阵刺痛. 这时我就会走上前去, 站在他旁边陪他聊天.
在奶奶去世后的那段时间里, 我在痛苦难过时, 心里也无比的恐惧, 特别是看到爷爷的满脸愁容时. 我很怕他也离我们而去. 而如果当时这件事真的发生了, 我不知道我会不会痛苦过度而病倒. 我每次临去学校前的那个晚上, 我都要和他坐在厅里看电视, 并且一次次嘱咐他要好好保重身体, 不要让我担心. 一直以来,爷爷所做的一切都是为了我和弟弟. 每当别人在他面前谈起我时, 他都很自豪. 他最信任的人也是我, 对我的信任甚至超越了对我父亲的信任. 所以当母亲劝说他去做某些事情而他不肯时, 母亲往往会叫我去劝他, 说他最听我的话. 出国离家时, 父亲由于有事不能送我坐车到深圳, 爷爷则帮我拎了一袋行李, 送我到车站坐车. 等我上了车时, 他仍然在朝车里的我张望, 久久不肯离去. 看着他清瘦的身影和沧桑的脸, 我把脸扭向另一侧窗外, 潸然泪下.
在家的日子里, 我喜欢和母亲和爷爷谈起我们过去的事情, 谈起我小时候的种种. 爷爷听了总是忍不住开怀大笑, 并且若有所思. 我明白, 一个人老了, 总是会想起很多过去的事情, 同时他也想和他的子孙们一起追忆那逝去的岁月. 然而我们作为后辈, 却总是匆忙于学习和工作, 根本不会花时间和他们一起怀念那曾经的岁月. 这就是为什么老人们总是喜欢大家聚在一起聊天, 而不太愿意和年轻人在一起. 而等他们百年归去时, 我们才会想起他们的好, 才会怀念从前的岁月, 可是那时, 他们已经长眠于地下, 无法听到我们的缅怀了. 所以, 我想, 怀念过去也要及时, 怀念的同时也可以让我们意识到当下的珍贵而倍加珍惜. 否则过时的怀念只会让我们徒添伤悲并且感到无限的遗憾!
下面是另一封我最近帮别人完成的出国申请用的PS, 给有需要的同学参考:
Everyone needs faith to guide their pursuit and efforts in the complicated change. Every day, every hour, every minute, the world is changing, which might bring a lot of challenges, so I work hard to adapt myself to the changing environment and experience beauty in my life. Despite many difficulties, I always keep a positive attitude toward the problems. Therefore, with a strong desire for learning, I am looking forward to receiving further education in Applies Economy..
My major in Shenzhen University is finance which gives me a platform to know about the economy and broadens my horizon about the commercial society. I study the cases and analyze the law and the nature of the system in order to better associate the theories with reality. I deem that the purpose of studying economy is to apply the theories to our work and our lives. With a sound understanding of applied economy, I believe I am suitable for the professional study.
One year ago, I took part in the “Challenge Cup” Business Plan Competition of Shenzhen University and was the leader of my team. We needed to work out a business proposal and established a company which had potential to meet with challenges. My teammates came up with an idea about the new development of coupon because of the financial crisis. We made some discussion and began to conduct some research. I designed a questionnaire about the acceptance of coupon and the contents people anticipated. We went to supermarkets and shopping malls to do the research. Sometimes we invited some housewives to join our group interviews.
After finishing our preliminary work, I began to organize some meetings to discuss our project. I referred to loads of data regarding economy and marketing and some new technologies. After our brainstorm, we put our theories which we learned in our major into practice. Our project included many parts such as Company Introduction, Analysis of Economical Environment, Analysis of Competitors, Operation Mode, Profit model, Risk Management and Financial Statements. I did my utmost to finish my task (including the Analysis of Economical Environment, Profit model and Financial Statements) and cooperated with my teammates well. During the work, I combined my knowledge with the practice and learned how to handle theories skillfully. My capability has been deeply elevated during this process.
We amended our work again and again and I had a better understanding of the skills to write a good proposal. Thanks to the advice my team members raised, I gained precious experience about the competition. In the second part of the competition——presentation, I have done a good job because of our special PPT and my carefully prepared speech. Finally, the project won the second prize.
As to my academic study, although I haven’t got an excellent score, I still stuck to my goal and endeavored to accomplish it. Finally, I succeeded in obtaining scholarships every year due to my satisfactory academic performance and excellent student work as a student leader.
A person’s success depends not only on his professional background, but also on his personality. So I have tried my best to enlarge my scope of knowledge and promote my personality. I have worked in the Bank of China and Agricultural Bank of China as a manager in business hall. What’s more, I have been a finance assistant in a foreign-funded advertising company. Therefore I am familiar with the financial and accounting practice. Besides joining academic competition and relevant internship, I also have abundant student work experience both in the Communist Youth League of Economics College and the Student Union of my school. I was also one of the founders of Communication Community with HK, Macao, Taiwan. Moreover, I pay a lot of attention to my physical health and strengthen my body by playing golf, Yoga and jogging. During sports, I can enjoy the beautiful scenery and the fresh air, from which I get a good mental relaxation. That’s me in my life, who always make better use of time and spare no efforts to improve myself.
With the abundant experience, the ability of analysis and organization, the knowledge on finance I have learnt and strong motivation to craft a bright future and build my own career, I decide to continue further study in your prestigious university, which can help me broaden my world vision and obtain new perspectives in this field. I would consider it a great honor should you allow me to earn my degree and make my unique contribution to your esteemed program. |
