生活有时很奇怪. 有些人对你越好, 你越觉得不舒服. 那是一种奇怪的感觉. 就好比前几天一个朋友和我说他与他房东之间的关系时, 他说道: “房东对我好时, 我总觉得有一种不安, 因为她好像不是真心对我好, 只是想从我身上拿走一些东西, 但问题是我不知道她要什么, 这让我更加不安.”
其实我现在也陷入了这种困境之中, 甚至我的情况比我朋友的更复杂, 因为他只有房东问题, 而我的却是好几个人的问题. 我从来没有想过朋友之间的关系会复杂到这种程度, 复杂得让我不知道对方究竟是真正的朋友还是利益关系者. 我是一个比较善于察言观色的人, 而且我的感觉一般也错不了. 当我了解一个人以后, 他做事的方式和目的, 我都会了如指掌. 然而我一直在试图搞清楚那几个人和我究竟是什么关系, 但我就是搞不懂. 如果我搞懂了那就好办了: 是真朋友的就真心相待, 是临时利益关系的就相互利用, 不谈感情. 而当你不知道对方究竟是哪类人时, 那才是最痛苦的. 当他每帮你一次, 你就会想他究竟是出于什么目的, 自己究竟要怎么报答他. 当你想报答他时, 他又说大家是朋友, 不用这么计较. 但当你不报答时, 他又在指桑骂槐, 暗示你不能没良心. 我真的觉得好累, 我想摆脱这种关系, 可是偏偏又由于各种各样的原因无法摆脱, 老是和这些人纠缠在一起, 真的想窒息.
另一种情况是, 有些人对你好是明显有企图的, 而且他们也和你说清楚了企图. 但是你知道你是不会答应他们的要求的, 所以你也叫他们不要对你这么好, 可是他们就是死缠烂打不肯放手, 非得千方百计找机会给予你恩惠, 想让你觉得欠了他们然后答应他们的要求. 举个例子, 有个人去小店买东西时顺便帮你买了一瓶水, 但是你其实本来不用他买的, 你可以自己去买, 但是他非得要买, 这样就可以当 “帮” 了你一次. 这个例子似乎有点怪, 但是正好恰恰说明我所要说的情况. 尽管你一再向某些人强调你不需要他们为你做任何事情, 可是他们就是一直在坚持, 想你最后加入他们的行列. 真的让人超无语. 还有些人性格可谓是飘忽不定, 忽冷忽热的. 一时对你哈哈大笑, 满怀热情, 转眼间又不声不响, 冷苦冰霜, 让人根本无法猜透他究竟是好是坏. 其实你要是不喜欢和我交流, 一直给我冷面孔, 那也不错, 我大不了就和你保持距离, 甚至见了面不打招呼也没关系. 可问题是, 今天他对你冷面孔, 明天见到你又跑过来和你套近乎, 笑呵呵地和你闲话家常, 好像是密无间隙的好朋友一样, 而我只能瞪着疑惑的眼睛望着他, 心里想: 怎么回事了?? 所以我不得不时常感叹: 林子大了, 什么鸟都有.
以上三类人我算是领教过了, 所以遇到这些人我能避则避, 免得一会猜猜他想要什么, 一会猜猜他又想帮自己做什么, 一会又担心他今天心情好不好, 会不会给自己冷面孔, 让我心神俱疲. 人与人交流的方式为什么就不能简单明了一些呢? 不管是善意还是敌意, 用单一方式表达出来就行了, 没有必要弄得这么扑朔迷离的, 让人捉摸不透. 另外我写下这篇文章的另一个重要目的是想告诉各位读者们: 在你们给予别人恩惠之前, 请想想究竟别人需不需要你的恩惠? 你的恩惠对别人来讲是不是一种负担?
生活中需要对手
作者: 来自小故事网
译者: 爱尔兰UCD 赖小琪
美洲虎是一种濒临灭绝的动物,据说,现在世界上尚存不足20只,其中有一只生活在秘鲁的国家动物园里。为了保护这只美洲虎,秘鲁人在动物园里单独圈出一块地,让它自由生存,圈地中有成群的牛、羊、鹿供老虎享用。参观过虎园的人都说这是“虎的天堂”。然而奇怪的是,没人看见这只老虎去捕捉牛羊,唯一见到的情景就是它躺在空洞的虎房里吃了睡、睡了吃。
Jaguar is an endangered animal. It is said that there are less than 20 jaguars in the world currently, one of which is now living in the national zoo of Peru. In order to protect this jaguar, Peruvians singled out a pitch of land in the zoo for it, where there are herds of cattle, sheep and deer for the jaguar to eat. Anyone who has visited the zoo praised it to be the “Heaven of Tiger”. However, strange enough, no one has ever seen the jaguar prey on the cattle and sheep. What we could see is its lying in its house eating and sleeping.
一些市民认为它太孤独了,就集资从国外租雌虎来陪它生活。然而此举并未带来多大改观,那只老虎最多陪伴外来的“女友”走出虎房,到阳光下站一站,不久就又回到它的“卧室”。“它怎能不懒洋洋呢?虎是林中之王,你们放一群吃草的小动物,能提起它的兴趣吗?这么大的一个老虎保护区,你们不放两只狼,至少也得放一只豺狗吧?”一位来此参观的市民建议道。人们觉得他说得有理,就把5只美洲豹投进了虎园。结果,自从豹子进园后,美洲虎就再没回过虎房,它不是站在山顶长啸,就是从山上下来,在草地上游荡,不再长时间睡觉,不再吃管理员送来的肉,基本恢复了本性。
Some people thought that the jaguar felt too lonely, so they collected money and rented a female tiger to accompany it. Nonetheless, it did not make too much sense. The jaguar just sometimes went out of its house with its “girlfriend”and stayed in the sun for a while before it came back to its house again. “It is normal for the jaguar to be lazy in this environment. Tiger is the king of forest but you simply put some small animals around him. That is why the jaguar shows no interest in going out. Why don’t you put two wolves or at least a jackal around him?”A visitor proposed. Others all agreed with him and put five panthers into the jaguar’s territory. Since then, the jaguar did not go back to its house any more. It either stands on top of the hill roaring or goes down from the hill strolling without sleeping all day long. It did not eat the meat provided by the zoo staff and has totally got back to its nature.
不仅是动物,人也如此。有则故事说,一个富人为独生女儿选婿,求婚者众多。于是这个富人将求婚的男子们带到一条河边,指着河中的鳄鱼说:“如果有人能够安全地游到对岸,我就把女儿嫁给他。”这些男子你看我我看你,谁也不敢跳进河里。正在互相观望之际,突然有一个男子“扑通”一声跳了下去,然后以超乎寻常的速度游到对岸。大家对这个勇敢的男子充满钦佩和羡慕,报以热烈的掌声。没想到这个男子上岸后,生气地大声问:“刚才是谁把我推下河去的?”
Actually, this principle does not only apply to animals, but also apply to human beings. Here is another story. There was a rich man who was selecting a husband for his only child among a multitude of pursuers. The man led all the pursuers to a river and pointed to the crocodiles, saying, “Anyone who can swim across the river safe and sound will marry my daughter.” Those pursuers looked at each other and no one dare take the initiative. At that moment, a man plunged into the river bravely and swam at a staggering speed to the other side. All the people applauded for his courage with great sense of admiration. Nevertheless, the man, after landing on the bank, shouted angrily, “Who pushed me into the river just now?”
也许那位男子回过神来想一想,他应该感谢那个把他推下去的人。不利变为有利,坏事变成好事,现实生活中比比皆是,但许多人往往认识不到造成这个结果的那个“对手”的作用。一般来讲,许多人都会把推他“下河”的人视为敌人,但只要仔细想一想,便会发现有一个强劲的推自己“下河”的人存在,未尝不是一种福分,一种机遇。因为这个推你“下河”的人,会让你产生危机感,会激发你更加旺盛的精神和斗志,会让你下定决心排除一切艰难险阻,在超越中实现矛盾的转化。
Maybe the man, after thinking of the whole process and the good consequence he is going to obtain, will feel obliged to the one who pushed him into the river. It is fairly common that disadvantages will turn into advantages and misfortunes into fortunes! But many of us cannot manage to realize the significance of our “rivals” to our success. Generally speaking, many people will see the one who “pushes him into the river” as an opponent. However, if you think in a deeper sense, you will realize that it is also a blessing and opportunity to have someone like that! It is the one who “pushes you into the river”who makes you feel the sense of crisis and stimulates your ambition and desire to strive! You will resolve to eliminate all difficulties and progress to another stage of your life!
一种没有对手的生物,一定是死气沉沉的生物;一个人假如没有了对手,同样难免会变得安于现状,不思进取,知难而退,在怠惰和没落中消沉。逆境往往造就成功。所以,对手既不是敌人也不是冤家,而是诤友、挚友。人生中,我们需要一个对手推自己“下河”,让自己在阻力中前进,在竞争中发展;工作中,我们需要一个对手,对自己横挑鼻子竖挑眼,督促你发现不足,严要求,高标准。有了对手,我们就会把自己的潜能发挥到极致;有了对手,我们就会在与对手的比拼中提高素质,不断进步。
In our world, one creature without any rivals is a lifeless creature. If a man lives without rivals, he is bound to be satisfied with the present and will not strive for the better. He would hold back before all difficulties and decline in inaction and laziness. Adverse environment tends to cultivate successful people. Therefore, your rivals are not your opponents or those you grudge. Instead, they are your good friends! In our lives, we need some rivals to “push us into the river”, leaving us striving ahead in all difficulties and competitions. In our work, we need some rivals to be picky about us and supervise our work with rigorous requirements and standards. Due to our rivals, we can bring out our potential to the best; Due to our rivals, we will continuously promote our capabilities when competing with them! |
