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爱情可以付出, 不可勉强 [复制链接]

Rank: 8Rank: 8

发表于 2013-4-27 14:56:07 |显示全部楼层
作者: 爱尔兰UCD  赖小琪
自从QQ邮箱开通了 “漂流瓶” 的服务后, 每天我都收到很多匿名的邮件. 这些邮件本来并不是写给我的, 只是发邮件的人随意向所有QQ用户发的一封邮件, 而这封邮件却随机被投到了我的邮箱. 一般来讲, 对于这些邮件, 我一般都只是一笑置之, 不予以回复. 但是今天有一封邮件吸引了我的注意力. 这封邮件只有一句话 : 上天让我爱上了你, 却无法让你爱上我. 看到了这句话, 我的心突然一沉, 像打翻了五味瓶, 什么滋味都有.
如果说有什么话题可以亘古不变地流传至今却不为人所厌恶, 我想 “爱情” 无疑位居榜首. 大千世界, 芸芸众生,  几乎没有人可以躲得过一个 “情”字. 从古至今, 多少文人雅士,多少迁客骚人, 为情而痴, 为情而醉, 甚至为情而死. 举个大家耳熟能详的例子. 谈起宋代的柳永, 大家很自然地就想起他的名篇>: “寒蝉凄切,对长亭晚,骤雨初歇。都门帐饮无绪,留恋处,兰舟催发。执手相看泪眼,竟无语凝噎。念去去,千里烟波,暮霭沉沉楚天阔。   多情自古伤离别,更那堪冷落清秋节。今宵酒醒何处?杨柳岸晓风残月。此去经年,应是良辰美景虚设。便纵有千种风情,更与何人说!”  一句 “多情自古伤离别”, 说尽了天下万千离别情侣的心声; 一句 “便纵有千种风情,更与何人说!” 更是千古绝句: “我纵使再高兴再悲伤, 纵然有千万种感情凝结心中, 没有你在我的身旁, 我向谁诉说?”哪一位读者看到自己的情人写出这么一句话给自己时, 不激动难抑, 心潮澎湃呢? 虽然柳永一生中挚爱的女子只有一位, 然而出现在他生命中的女子却不计其数, 他的感情也 “雨泽众人”. 这大概就是封建时代的习俗: 男子可以三妻四妾, 出入风月场所, 而女子却要恪守三从四德. 然而柳永晚年景况凄凉. 柳家世代做官。柳永少年时在家乡勤学苦读,希望能传承家业,官至公卿。学成之后,他就到汴京应试,准备大展鸿图,在政治上一试身手。不料,一到光怪陆离的京城,骨子里浪漫风流的年轻才子柳永,就被青楼歌馆里的歌妓吸引,把那政治理想完全抛在了脑后,一天到晚在风月场里潇洒,与青楼歌妓打得火热,而且还把他的风流生活写进词里. 后来他出言不逊, 得罪权贵, 遭到贬谪, 最后死在名妓赵香香家, 终年51岁. 他既无家室,也无财产,死后无人过问。谢玉英、陈师师一班名妓念他的才学和情痴,凑一笔钱为他安葬。谢玉英曾与他拟为夫妻,为他戴重孝,众妓都为他戴孝守丧。出殡之时,东京满城妓女都来了,半城缟素,一片哀声, 成就了"群妓合金葬柳七"的佳话。
另一位著名宋代大词人李清照, 也堪称 “情中经典”. 在 “女子无才便是德” 的封建社会, 清照是一朵千古奇葩. 这位奇女子长落到18岁时, 不仅美压群芳, 更令人称奇的是其绝世无双的才华. 其词婉约清新, 感情细腻真挚, 因此她是 “婉约派” 的代表词人之一. 清照一生即是幸运的一生, 也是悲苦的一生. 幸运的是她18岁那年, 正值风华正茂, 便遇到了情投意合的心上人, 赵明诚. 赵明诚在朝为官, 也是当时名动一时的才子, 其诗词歌赋也有比较高的造诣. 于是这对佳人才子结为连理, 无比恩爱, 闲来就吟诗作对, 看谁的才艺更高, 结果赵明诚却屡屡败于清照手下, 越发敬佩和珍惜这位奇女子. 可惜好景不久, 后来发生战乱, 明诚被朝廷派去指挥作战, 不得不与清照分别. 后来明诚战死, 清照闻讯悲痛交加, 开始了她凄苦的一生. 所以, 她后期的词都是无比的伤感的. 比如说>: “寻寻觅觅,冷冷清清,凄凄惨惨戚戚。 乍暖还寒时候,最难将息。 三杯两盏淡酒,怎敌他,晚来风急? 雁过也,正伤心,却是旧时相识。 满地黄花堆积,憔悴损,如今有谁堪摘? 守着(著)窗儿,独自怎生得黑? 梧桐更兼细雨,到黄昏,点点滴滴。 这次第,怎一个愁字了得!” 这首词把清照晚年黄昏待夜, 孤苦无依的凄苦表现得淋漓尽致, 让读者一览无遗.
古人如此, 今人又何尝不是这样? 漫漫红尘, 两个人在茫茫人海中走到一起是非常不易的. 那是一种浪漫, 一种美丽和一种幸福. 所以彼此都必须珍惜对方, 体谅对方, 关爱对方. 俗话说: 患难见真情. 然而在现实生活中, 很多时候我们的爱情并不像琼瑶小说中所描述的那样轰轰烈烈. 很多爱情, 本身就如细水长流, 偶尔惊起几朵浪花, 几处波澜. 现代很多人的爱情观都被小说和电视剧荼毒了, 总是期羡那些轰轰烈烈, 日日浪漫的爱情. 然而, 我们的结局却不像电视剧那样可以预料. 要是大风大浪后你将会和你爱的人各奔东西, 甚至生离死别, 你还会期许这样的爱情吗? 就算让你知道爱情会以大团圆结局, 你愿意承受中间颠沛流离, 担惊受怕的日子吗? 所以, 平平淡淡, 本身就是最大的福气. 好比我们回顾清照与明诚的爱情, 我们会觉得很动人美丽, 然而如果我们抚心自问, 在可以选择自己人生的情况下, 有谁会愿意选择清照的命运?
是的, 轰轰烈烈的爱情是需要代价的, 这种代价可能是你一生的幸福. 然而平淡的爱情不代表是枯燥的爱情.常听别人说, 婚姻是爱情的坟墓. 甚至我曾经听过一个朋友讲, 恋爱后期变成了一种折磨. 很多人都觉得, 恋爱的初期是很浪漫醉人的, 然而到了后面, 就越来越失去那种浪漫的感觉, 结婚以后夫妻双方各自为生计忙碌, 更无浪漫可言. 很多男人整天只顾着在外面工作和应酬, 没有太多时间陪家人. 其实, 在我看来, 这只是一个借口. 浪漫并不需要你花很多时间在家人身上, 浪漫更不需要你花很多钱买钻戒宝石. 浪漫只需要闲时的一次携手散步, 生病时的几声叮咛, 节日时的一枝玫瑰或者一盒巧克力, 寂寞时的几分钟促膝倾谈. 浪漫其实真的很简单很简单, 做不到的人与其说没时间, 不如说没心思.
爱情有时很奇怪. 当你爱一个人时, 你可以为了他/她付出一切而无怨无悔. 哪怕你再自私, 你也不会对你爱的人自私. 然而当你不爱一个人时, 哪怕他/她对你无限地付出, 甚至为你付出生命, 你也很难爱上他/她. 你对他/她只有感激, 而没有爱意. 你喜欢一个人, 并不代表你爱那个人. 如果不爱那个人, 却因为他对你有恩而勉强和他在一起, 最后只会两个人都痛苦. 所以当你发现别人爱你而你不爱他时, 不要因为他曾经帮助过你很多而不敢对他说明一切, 不要怕伤害到他. 你应该及时告诉他你的真实感受, 只有这样才可以将彼此的伤害减到最低. 相反, 拖拖拉拉只会让问题变得更加复杂! 爱一个人没有错, 不爱一个人也没有错.上天没有指定我们必须要爱哪个人, 不能爱哪个人. 我们的意愿没有对与错之分, 但是我们的行为却有对错.不会处理爱情关系的人, 最后只会让彼此痛苦, 形同陌路. 在爱情面前, 执着与忠诚固然重要, 但是个人的情绪处理与控制能力更加重要! 不要吵了一次架就觉得那是世界末日, 不要闹了一次矛盾就觉得那是人生的尽头, 不要对方做错了一件事就把他的以前的功劳完全抹杀. 相处比较久的情侣们都应该有一种直觉, 这种直觉可以根本判断出你的爱人是否真的爱你. 而如果你觉得他是真正的爱你, 那么你就要信任他, 支持他, 鼓励他, 而不要随随便便地怀疑你在他心中的地位.只有这样的爱情最终才会开花结果. 否则就算两人结了婚, 也会以离婚收场.
看着这封短短的邮件,我想起了很多,也思考了很多. 终于, 我回复了这个陌生人: 爱情可以为之付出, 但是绝不可以勉强;真正爱一个人是希望她可以快乐,既然她找到了自己爱的人, 你就放手吧.
Reflection on International Business Management Learning
During this semester, I have gradually gone through a series of important moments when I changed my strategies and methods of studying and learned to perform better in the IBM module.
1) Changed Way of Learning
At the beginning of the semester, I had thought that learning as postgraduate in UCD was not too much different from learning as a bachelor in my previous university in China and that the main task for me is to read the textbook, attend classes, memorize key concepts and theories and attend the final examination. But my concept changed as I attended the first lecture:
“After the first lecture, I came to realize that studying mode is no longer the same as before. There will not be final exam at the end of the term, but I will be required to accomplish an array of assignments that are designed to practice and evaluate my writing skills, communication skills, reflective capability and in-depth learning capability. It is indeed more practical and difficult than my undergraduate studies. Therefore, I know I must change my way of learning since this moment.”
                                       Learning Journal Diary 08/09/2010  
2) Reflecting is More Important than Reading  
After attending the first session, I knew what I was supposed to do to fulfill my study of this module. However, I still felt some confusion about the specific requirements for each assignment the lecturer presented us. Therefore, I met some difficulties in the week following:
“Today I attended the second session of this semester, but I felt very upset. At the beginning of the class, the lecturer had a heated discussion with us about the journal articles. She proposed a lot of questions like “What is the purpose of each article?” “What are the strengths and weaknesses of each contribution?” “What new learning occurred?” etc. All these questions had not been reflected on by me when I read the articles. So I could not come up with satisfactory answers. I came to realize that reading the articles is just the basic step before learning the real things. And since this session, I know what I am supposed to do in order to truly learn something out of the journal articles.”
                                       Learning Journal Diary 14/09/2010
Since then, I would review the slides given by the lecturer before taking classes the next day. I would focus on the questions listed in the slides regarding the journal articles as well as the chapter in our textbook and try to figure out the answers by myself. In class, I would listen to the teacher’s and my classmates’ ideas carefully and compared them with mine to see potential improvement. I would take notes of the useful points to me and further reflected on them by myself after class.
3) Changed Expectation of Learning Outcomes
  By week three, though I knew I had gradually adapted myself to the way of teaching, I still felt kind of puzzled at what I had learnt. In the past of my undergraduate study in China, teachers seemed to pump everything into your head. They would throw light on every point in the textbook in detail and what you were required to do was to understand and memorize all the content in class. But now, I came to the realization that:

“Learning outcomes should not be simply confined to concept or theory memorizing. It should be broader and deeper than that, including a deeper understanding of each concept and theory and the ability to relate theories to practical IB issues. IB students are also supposed to effectively tackle real problems encountered in international business with strong theoretical rationale and great flexibility. Therefore, case study becomes extraordinary significant in cultivating this capability.”
                                       Learning Journal Diary 25/09/2010
1)        Be Reflective Instead of Descriptive
By week five, I would need to start writing my first journal article review which was designed to develop my ability to write a concise critique of any article. This was my first time to write journal article review, and after receiving the feedbacks from the teacher, I was enlightened about what is a “true” article review:
“After receiving the feedbacks from Anne about my first journal article review, I came to realize that I had made two mistakes: one is that I did not turn to other literature for reference while making a lot of comments on the article. As an IB postgraduate, I should know to refer to other literature to do critiques; the other mistake is that my article review is too descriptive and should be more reflective.”
                                    Learning Journal Diary 20/10/2010
2)        Changed Perception of Group Work
In week 9, our group must hold a seminar in class and do a presentation that involved all the group members. We had met four times and discussed the case before the presentation. After the presentation, when I am looking back the whole process, I have significantly changed my perception of group work as illustrated in my diary entry:
“Previously, I was inclined to individual work that could render me ample flexibility. More importantly, I could spare the argument with others and work on my own, which was considered by me to be more efficient. However, after this seminar, my perception of group work changed dramatically! During the group discussion, I accumulated many innovative ideas and viewpoints that had never come to my mind before. Also, my teammates gave me a wealth of suggestions on my part, which had tremendously enriched and spiced the content of my presentation. To my greater pleasure, by working with a group of students coming from different nationalities, I have greatly promoted my communicative and analytical skills!”
                                     Learning Journal Diary 09/11/2010
Above is my learning development during the whole semester on IBM study. With time passing by, my learning skills and methods have been furthered gradually. It will benefit my whole-life learning in the future.

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