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沈从文的爱与怨 [复制链接]

Rank: 8Rank: 8

发表于 2013-4-27 14:54:14 |显示全部楼层
沈从文的爱与怨
作者:  未知   来自小故事网
译者: 爱尔兰UCD  赖小琪
一个男人挑选什么样的妻子,决定他以后将过什么样的生活。然而,在爱情面前,很少有人去理智地分析尺长寸短,也很少有人能够坚决地在怦然心动之时果断地关闭情感的闸门。所以,这个世界上才会有那么多迷茫的错爱和长短不一的疏离与怨恨。沈从文和张兆和在生前,就是一对被搭错了红线的怨偶。
A man’s wife can determine his future life to a large extent. However, in front of love, few people can rationally evaluate whether it is suitable for themselves. Also, few people can decisively conclude their love which is not suitable for themselves when the love is in its prime time. That is why there have been and will be so much grudge and regret stemming from love. Shen Chongwen and Zhang Zhaohe were exactly a wrong pair when they were alive.
   那时,张兆和是学校里出了名的美人,追随者甚众。毫无例外地,她的美丽,也让沈从文一见倾心。自古才子配佳人,按照世俗的眼光,他们似乎应该配成一对。可是,问题在于张兆和对沈从文毫无感觉。
At that time, Zhang was a well-known beauty in school with a wealth of pursuers. Without being an exception, Shen was also totally attracted by her beauty. As a saying goes, a man of literary talents should be coupled with a beautiful lady. From average people’s perspectives, Shen and Zhang should be a pair of lovers. But the problem is that Zhang showed no affection to Shen.
   别人的追求是低调内敛的,才子沈从文的爱却热烈而奔放,像开闸之水,不可收拾。尽管美人多娇,他也从不泄气,将对她的爱慕涂满信纸,句句都炙热得令人耳根羞涩。年轻的张兆和并不懂拒绝,只好以沉默抵抗,只字不回。沈从文却把这理解为默许或者纵容,他的信更频繁,也更深透。
While others’ pursuit of Zhang was reserved, Shen’s was ardent and open like a turbulence out of the reservoir rushing down without control. Although Zhang was effeminate and picky, he did not lose the least passion. Instead, he filled every letter with his adoration and love. Every sentence he wrote was so passionate and loving that anyone who has read it would feel timid. Zhang was very young at that time and did not know how to refuse him. So she chose to keep silent and did not reply to his letters. Shen, on the other hand, construed her silence as acceptance and allowance, filing letters with more emotions to her more frequently.
   为了接近张兆和,沈从文甚至和张兆和的闺密王华莲交上了朋友。信越写越多,沈从文也越发的沉不住气。有一次,他直言不讳地向王华莲探问张兆和的态度。王华莲的话很让沈从文失望:追求张兆和的男人没有一千,也有一百,她都不回信……
In order to get close to Zhang, Shen even made friends with her bosom friend, Wang Hualian. The more letters Shen wrote, the less patience he had. One day, he asked Wang about Zhang’s attitude towards him. Wang’s answer was disappointing: There were numerous pursuers writing letters to Zhang, but she did not reply even once!
   情绪低落的沈从文时常将心中的郁结向好友胡适倾诉,可即便在最绝望的时候,他也没有停止鸿雁传情。沈从文的情书,并不一味铺张浓烈感情,他深谙娓娓道来的妙处,像是与张兆和讲道理。平淡的文字中,一种“舍你其谁”的韧性跃然纸上。
Discouraged, Shen often poured his confusion to his good friend, Hu Shi. But even at the most desperate moment, he did not stop writing love letters to Zhang. In Shen’s love letters, he did not express love and emotion all the time. He got the hang of speaking details of life as if discussing about some common sense with Zhang. The simple and plain words were indeed signaling Zhang was the only one Shen loved.
   才子的策略有时候也有异于常人。沈从文见张兆和仍然不为所动,便抛出了软硬兼施的策略。硬的时候,他甚至恐吓她,扬言要自杀;软的时候,他表示,即使遭到拒绝,也没有什么关系,他会重新站立起来,做一个积极向上的人。然而,语气中对张兆和没有丝毫的放松。
For a man of literary talents, he may adopt a unique strategy that differentiates from that of ordinary people. Seeing that Zhang was not moved by his letters, Shen utilized a strategy combing both “hard” and “soft” means. For his “hard” means, he even threatened her to commit suicide. For his “soft” means, he claimed that even if he was rejected by her, he would not care too much and would pull himself together and live optimistically. However, seen from his tone, he did not mean to lessen his pursuit of Zhang even a little!
   爱情使这位青年才俊变成了极端痴狂的疯子的同时,也让他变成了奴隶!他在1931年6月的一封信中,居然向张兆和表示以做她的奴隶为己任。“莫生我的气,许我在梦里,用嘴吻你的脚,我的自卑处,是觉得如一个奴隶蹲到地下用嘴接近你的脚,也近于十分亵渎了你的”。
Love made this young man become mad and even a slave! In his letter written in June, 1931, he told Zhang that he would like to take the responsibility of a slave for her as his life-long commitment. “Don’t be angry, my dear! Please allow me to kiss your feet in my dream. I feel terribly humble even when I squat down to kiss your feet, fearing that it would stain you.”
   有让自己甘心做奴隶的女人,奴隶算什么?就是做牛做马,沈从文也会豁出去! 就这样,这个“顽固”的年轻作家,硬是凭着一股韧劲,将对他毫无感觉的张兆和追到了手。
If there is a woman who can make you become her slave willingly, then it is nothing serious to become a slave. Even if he would become a bull or a horse for her, Shen would take it without any hesitation. Finally, this insistent young writer, with strong enthusiasms and perseverance, won the love of Zhang, who did not show any affection to him initially.
   如果婚姻是爱情的保鲜机器,能让时间的钟摆永远停在最甜蜜幸福的一刻,那么他们的结合便是万里长征的胜利终点。可是,婚姻却是更加残酷的现实生活的开始。 除了最初几年恩爱,余下的漫长的人生段落,他们始终处于疏离、斥责、怀疑、伤痛的阴影里。
If marriage is a refrigerator that can keep love fresh and make both lovers stay at the happiest moment, then their marriage is a triumph. Nonetheless, for Shen and Zhang, marriage was literally the outset of the life full of cruel realities. Apart from the first few years of happiness, they stayed emotionally apart from each other, living in the shadow of blaming, skepticism and pain.
   北平失陷后,沈从文仓皇南逃,张兆和与两个孩子暂时留了下来。沈从文一个人在西南,经济拮据,经常向朋友借钱。张兆和时常在信中责备他生活奢侈,不是绅士却摆绅士的派头……
After Japanese army invaded Beijing, Shen fled to southern part of China, leaving Zhang and her two children behind temporarily. When staying in the southeast of China, Shen was in great poverty and often borrowed money from his friends. Zhang often reproached him for his luxurious life and his pretending to be a rich man.
   张兆和有多次离开北平与他团聚的机会,最终都未达成,沈从文认为她是故意错过的,他开始怀疑,经过了这么多年,张兆和仍然是不爱他的,并且不愿意与他共同生活了。长期的压抑,使精神处在崩溃边缘的沈从文无法从家庭中得到应有的温暖和慰藉。空间和时间令他们感情的裂痕越来越大,所爱之人的不理解以及自己对爱的怀疑,让这个伟大的作家的眼光一天天黯淡下去。
Zhang had several opportunities to leave Beijing and met up with Shen, but she did not make it finally. Shen thought that she lost the chance purposely and that she did not love him at all and would not like to live with him any more, though they had been together for so many years. Living under long-term depression, Shen felt mentally broken and could not get the deserved warmth and comfort from his family. The distance of time and space enlarged the gap of their love. Without being understood by his beloved and with his doubt about her, this great writer was pining away day by day.
  
   1995年,张兆和整理完沈从文生前的遗稿,在《后记》中深切地忏悔着自己对沈从文的一片深情的辜负———“从文与我相处,这一生,究竟是幸福还是不幸?得不到回答。我不理解他,不完全理解他。后来逐渐有了些理解,但是,真正懂得他的为人,懂得他一生承受的重压,是在整理编选他遗稿的现在。过去不知道的,现在知道了;过去不明白的,现在明白了……太晚了!为什么在他有生之年,不能发掘他,理解他,从各方面去帮助他,反而有那么多的矛盾得不到解决!悔之晚矣。”
In 1995, Zhang sorted out her husband’s drafts of works. She confessed her guilty towards her husband in the book named The Following: “I have no idea whether it is a happiness or misfortune for Shen to live with me. I didn’t understand him completely. Later I knew him more, but not until now when I am sorting his compositions have I truly understand his philosophy of life and the burden he had undertaken. I know what I did not know in the past and I understand what I did not in the past. But it is too late! Why didn’t I try to understand him and help me when he was alive? Why did I leave so many conflicts unsolved? It is too late for me to feel regretful now.”
   沈从文与张兆和几十年的爱与怨,情与痴,洋洋洒洒地挥就了一部值得现代人借鉴的婚姻图册. 爱情是这世上惟一不可以勉强的东西,它就像天平,如果一方付出过多,过于沉重,只能高高地翘起另一端的骄傲。爱既已失衡,不如放手,让她去发现别处天空的辽阔。紧紧抓在手里,不肯释怀的结果,便是累及婚姻,错爱一人,煎熬一生。
Decades of Shen and Zhang’s love and hatred is a valuable lesson that deserves our learning. Love is the only thing in the world that cannot be forced. It is like a balance scale, where if one side give too much and was too heavy, the other side would stand up and feel arrogant. If love has lost balance, why not let her (Zhang) fly to other places in pursuit of her own sky? Holding her tight in hand without letting her go would only result in a failed marriage, a failed love and a tortured life.

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